Matantei Loki Ragnarok: The Musical
by LCAAS
Summary: See the Loki cast sing! See them act REALLY OOC... mainly coz half of them are played by Malaysians... Yeah...don't take this seriously people. And now the omakes are up, that's it, finito, enjoy!
1. Teaser Trailer

_Disclaimer: No we don't own Loki. No we don't own any of the songs we pinched. No we don't have no money either, so its no use suing_

**Matantei Loki Ragnarok : The Musical**

**Teaser Trailer**

white screen

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_TEXT READS:_

The Lincoln College Anime Appreciation Club proudly present...

A MATENTEI LOKI RAGNAROK FANFIC

UNLIKE ANY THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN.

.... we hope.

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It is a dark & stormy night. Urd's voice can be heard speaking

_I'm guessing it was 6am...  
__An explosion had been reported,  
__From one of those crazy labs in downtown Tokyo..._

FLASH

Heimdall smiles as he finishes work on his machine

FLASH

Freyr storms in at high speed

FLASH

Closeup on Heimdall's horrified face

_CRASH_

Silence. Black screen

Shot of the night sky. Heimdall's voice breaks the silence

_BAKAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!_

A Blood curdling scream...

(Scene cut)

A group of teenagers whisper amongst themselves

"_He's the detective?"_

"_This Chibi?"_

All of them laugh as one.

"_Nah!"_

(Scene cut)

Verdandi stands solemn & still, her face grave as she addresses her audience

_If we don't find an answer soon...the world... is DOOMED!_

(Scene cut)

Skuld is crying in frustration as she rages at an unseen opponent.

_It's all YOUR fault, you know!!_

(Scene cut)

Freyr is begging & pleading as he reaches for Mayura's hand.

_So please, tell me if there's the slightest chance..._

Mayura backs away, shaking her head. Smiling, she answers...

_Perhaps...._

Closeup of Freyr's face lighting up...Suddenly...

_WATCH OUT........!!!!_

A forceful scream!

fade to WHITE...

Mayura's voice can be heard singing softly

_A Real Fu-shi-gi Mystery!_

_TEXT ON SCREEN:_

HUH???  
MATENTEI LOKI RAGNAROK: THE MUSICAL!!!!

An unseen voice counts down the beat

_A one, a two, a one, two, three, four....._

Heimdall and Loki pop out on screen. When Loki clicks his fingers, the entire screen zooms matrix style into the anime world we know and love! Arrayed behind them are now all the major players in our show. Everyone takes a breath and begins to sing...

_**(Music "All over the world...." - Tiny Toon Adventures Intro Song)**_

_We're... tiny! We're toony!  
__And Freyr here is a looney_

Everyone close to him gives him a poke/slap/kick/hit

_And in this anime cartoony...  
__We are singing endlessly!_

_We're comic dispensers!  
__Some stuff don't get past the censors!  
__Our chi-bi adventures  
__Laid out for all to see!_

The humans fall back to allow the gods some space

_So here's the land of Midgard  
__It's a whole wide world apart!  
__Our home sweet home  
__Asgard! We moan...  
__A gorgeous work of art!_

The gods all sigh, then step back into the crowd.

_The songs we've been subjected!  
__Expect the unexpected!  
__Our musical adventures  
__Are about to start!_

_They garden, they're funny,  
__They're Urd, Skuld, & Verdandi..._

Urd, Verdandi & Skuld come forwards and bow

_Koutarou has lotsa money,_

Koutarou steps up to join them with a smirk.

_And Hel is such a pain!_

Hel is gently pushed forwards.

_There's a flying pig - Gullinbrusti!_

Gullinbrusti bwees at the audience

_Thor's called "Narugami"?_

Thor steps forwards and salutes.

_Freyr is just unlucky,_

The much bullied Freyr is shoved forcefully forwards

_And Mayura is insane!_

Mayura giggles and waves

_And let's not forget Yamino!  
__Doing housekeeping for no fee..._

Yamino bows to the audience

_Freya too, that lovelorn lass,_

Reiya steps forwards, turning into Freya as she does so, and curtsies.

_And Fenrir's just a puppy?!_

An extremely grumpy Fenrir sits up and begs

_I'm Heimdall!, _

Hemidall steps forwards reluctantly to sing his solo line.

_I'm Loki! _

Loki joins him even more reluctantly. Both of them glare at each other then shrug fatalistically and go on with the song as the others join in.

_....guess we're all a little looney,  
__It's our musical adventures,  
__Come and join the fun!_

Beat

_Yes, Ragnarok has come!_

Fade to BLACK

_TEXT ON SCREEN:_

Something wacky this way comes....

Summer 2004.

"Putting the ROCK back in RagnaROCK!"


	2. Overture & Act One

_Author's note: Hi this is the Lincoln College Anime Club posting for the very first time. We thought we would share the insanity that study produces. No, we do NOT own Loki (we wish we did, but that's another story). Nor do we own the various songs we have freely poached from. We are all poor college students so don't sue. You don't really need to know anything about us beyond that we all love anime and get really weird when we are supposed to be studying (but yes, we did cast ourselves as the characters, which is why half of them half Malaysian accents and...strange personality traits on occasion. This whole thing started as a parody with ourselves as the cast...and...mutated.) Please enjoy and don't take it too seriously. Oh, and btw, yes, this is in script format. If anyone has an idea as to how to present something like this which is not & still looks right, please let us know & we'll change it._

**Matantei Loki Ragnarok : The Musical**

Starring:

**Bookworm **as Daidouji Mayura

**Uncle Foo **as Ryusuke Yamino

**ebesor **as Narugami/Thor

**Kah Chuak **as Freyr

**Ragnarok **as Heimdall

**Burt **as Oshima Reiya/Freya

**Benji **as Fenrir

**Valkryie **as Gullinbrusti

**vyn3tt3 **as Skuld

**N M L **as Verdandi

**Michiesan **as Urd

**Johnno **as Koutarou

**Evil Smurfette **as Hel

**YS **as Daidouji Misao

**Pinchii **as Ecchan

...and

**Loki** as Himself

**Prologue**

_**Music: "Prologue" from Sunset Boulevard**_

_A girl wanders out alone into the lonely streets of a suburb just out of Tokyo in the early hours of the morning. This is Urd. It's still dark and the streetlights are dim. She stops in front of a mansion, stares up at it for a moment and then continues down the street._

Urd: I'm guessing it was 6am,  
An explosion had been reported,  
From one of those crazy labs in downtown Tokyo,

The next day all of the world,  
Will all be dancing and singing,  
You see, they say an old Norse God's involved,

_She stops walking and gestures at the audience._

But wait; maybe it's more than one of them.  
But before you read about it,  
Before it gets distorted,  
By the rumours and the gossip,  
If you want to know the real facts,

You've come to the right girl.

Let me take you back two months,  
When Midgard was in peace and harmony,  
Locked in a lab in downtown Tokyo,

A Norse God was hard at work there.  
And he had a diabolical plan,  
To annihilate the guy  
who stole his eye,  
Inevitably things went downhill from there,

In that lab in downtown Tokyo...

_Scene fades into darkness._

_A light bulb flashes on and inside a room, Heimdall is working feverishly; muttering darkly to himself as he meticulously cuts the wires and fiddles with an assortment of buttons on this latest technological masterpiece._

Heimdall: _(cuts the final wire and wipes sweat off his brow, a sinister smile on his lips) _There, this is all don...

Freyr: CHARGE, Gullinbrusti!!!! Freyr has to confess his love to Yamato Nadeshiko before it's too late!!!

Gullinbrusti: BWEEE!!!!

Heimdall: What the... _(waves hands frantically before him trying to stop Freyr ploughing into him and his precious work of art...)_ NO, NOT MY INVENTION!!!! NOT THAT!!!! DON'T!! DON'T!!! _(... and fails, inevitably) _AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

_CRASH!!!_

**Overture**

_Set in the capital of modern Japan. Everyone is milling around doing their own thing._

_**Music: "Rumour in St Petersburg" from Anastasia**_

Random Woman 1: Modern Japan is booming.

Random Woman 2: Modern Japan is great.

Random Man 1: This place, it is the centre of everything!

Chorus: Oh, since the WWII, our lives have been so gay,  
Extra goes for the gossip that gets us through the day,  
Hey! Have you heard?  
There's a rumour here in Tokyo  
Have you heard what they're saying on the streets?

Random Man 2: _(whispers) _I've heard that some Norse Gods are here, and they're among us, very near.

Chorus: The almighty Norse Gods!

Random Man 2: And please do not repeat!

Chorus: It's a rumour, nothing more than a mystery.  
And there's a girl here who likes nothing more than that!

_Enter Mayura in Sherlock Holmes getup._

Just a rumour, not part of our history!

Random Woman 3: They say these Gods have come down here to bring us luck and joy!

Chorus: And some say they will bring Ragnarok!!!!

Random Man 3: _(points at a girl) _She says she's seen the God Thor. She swears it's true, (yeah, right)

Random Woman 4: _(rolls eyes)_ And I have seen the Greek Gods all come out and fight!

Random Man 4: _(pops his head in between the both of them) _And I've seen sailor senshi. It was really like a dream.

_Pause_

Chorus: _(laughing) _It would be really funny, if that's what he'd really seen!

_Koutarou struts out into the middle of the street in his best clothes, a smug smile on his lips, accompanied, of course by two pretty girls._

Koutarou: It's a rumour, not more than a mystery!  
With all this Norse God-mania, it will help me fly,  
My dad and I will know how to make history!!!  
I'll tell him how to advertise, the proper gimmicks to use,  
Display the rare stuff for all to see,  
Imagine all the girls I could attract with all that fame

_pause _Hmm...and my good looks as well of course

_He blows a kiss and winks to all the girls as he passes and they all faint._

Koutarou: Who else could pull it off but only me?

I'll have fame!  
I'll be out!  
And the girls here will have much more to talk about!

_Exit Koutarou with his fanclub._

Chorus: Shhhh! Have you heard?  
There's a rumour here in Tokyo.  
Have you heard?  
What they're saying on the streets?  
Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Have you heard?  
There's a rumour here in Tokyo.  
Have you heard?  
Minna-san, what do you suppose?  
A real fushigi mystery!

Mayura: The biggest one in history!!!!

Chorus: The Norse Gods down in Tokyo.  
Is it real? Or not?

Random Man 5: Who knows? Shhhh!!

_Everyone goes back to their own thing. Eventually, the attention is focused on Mayura who is bustling around with a notepad and a magnifying glass. She holds a letter in one of her hands as well. She reads it again and again, an expression of ecstasy on her face._

_**Music: "Wouldn't it be Lover-ly?" from My Fair Lady**_

Mayura: _(twirls around. As she does, a triangular 4-leaf clover charm flies loose from where it is attached to a monocle brooch) _Fushigi Mystery!!!

Chorus: A Real Fus-hi-gi Mys-te-ry!

Mayura: All I want is a mystery,  
A locked room murder with no key  
Where the tantei will be,  
A Real Fushigi Mystery!

Lots of puzzles for me to solve  
That's the one thing that I just love!  
Wouldn't that be cool, by jove!  
A Real Fushigi Mystery!

Oh, so lovely tracing every single clue there is,  
I would never stop for breaks,

Random Man 2: Who says?

Mayura: Till all of Japan awakes

Thieves and murderers roaming free,  
That all works very well for me,  
I'll catch them, wait and see,  
A Real Fu-shi-gi Mystery!

Mys-te-ry?  
Mys-te-ry!  
Mys-te-ry?

_Exit Mayura. The chorus sings after her as she waltzes away._

Chorus: A Real Fu-shi-gi Mystery!

**Act One**

**Scene One: Heimdall's Laboratory**

_An ashen-faced (literally) Heimdall is standing among the soot-blackened remnants of his once-glorious state of the art gadget in a right state of shock. A burnt out Freyr is extracting himself from the rubble, a look of dazed surprise on his face. Gullinbrusti lies a few feet away and lets out a feeble "bwee"._

Freyr: What has Freyr done? Don't think this is Yamato Nadeshiko's place at all..._(spots Heimdall) _Ya-ma-to Nadeshiko...? Is that you...?

Heimdall: _(cheek muscle twitches) _FREYR!!!!!!!!!!!! KIIIISAAAMMAAA!!!! _(releases the fires-of-hell aura)_

Freyr: Erm...Heimdall?...

_**Music: "Baka Song" from Ranma ½**_

Heimdall: YAH!!!!  
SORUYAAAAA!!!  
HHHFF!!!!!!!!!  
TAH!!!!!

FREYR NO...BAAKAAA!!!!!!!!

_Proceeds to chase Freyr around the whole laboratory whacking him alternately with two mallets._

Freyr you're gonna die tonight!  
I'll bash your head till I feel all right  
You're gonna pay...  
Baka ne, baka baka!

_Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!_

BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA!!!!!!

_To-the-beat: (chase and catch) Whack! Whack! Whack!  
__(chase and catch) Whack! Whack! Whack!_

I'm gonna trash you to an inch of your life.  
Then I'm gonna take that inch...  
You're gonna pay...  
Bake ne, baka baka!

_Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!_

BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA!!!!!!

Freyr: TOLONG!!!!!!!!

_To-the-beat: (chase and catch) Whack! Whack! Whack!  
__(chase and catch) Whack! Whack! Whack!_

Heimdall: That's it; it's the last damn straw...  
I'm gonna eat your brains now raw!  
I'm gonna hurt you then send you to hell!  
I'm gonna KILL you then send you to hell!

You will DIE! On this day!  
On this VERY DAY!

_SMASH!!!_

Your grandchildren's still gonna feel it..BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BA!!!!!  
I'll destroy you, BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BA!!!!!!  
Freyr, I'm sooooooooo gonna rip you apart!!

YAH!  
SORUYAAAAA!

Freyr don't you run away!  
I could do this night and day  
You're so gonna pay...  
Baka ne baka baka!

_Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!_

BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA!

_To-the-beat: (chase and catch) Whack! Whack! Whack!  
__(chase and catch) Whack! Whack! Whack!_

I'm gonna start jumping on your head!  
And when I'm through you'll wish you were dead.  
I'm gonna change your anatomy  
I'm gonna mush you into gullinbrusti!

You will fry! On this day!  
On this VERY DAY!!!!!

_Throws a mallet at Freyr and misses. It hits the glass window instead._

_SMASH!!!_

Scream for mercy - it won't matter....BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BA  
I'm gonna mash you, BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BA!!!!!!

I remember a time.  
When I could build things and they would last...  
But then... YOU CAME!!!!!

I'm so gonna put my fist through your face.  
And let some mice lodge in the empty space!  
I'm gonna hurt you in places hitherto unknown.  
I'm gonna skin the very flesh off your bone!

You will cry! On this day!  
On this VERY DAY!!!!

_Pounces on Freyr, whacking him repeatedly_

HAH!!!  
Scream for mercy - it'll make it sweeter....BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BA  
I gonna kill you, BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BA!!!!!!

Thank you!

_Falls on to his knee from exhaustion and bows_

_pause_

Heimdall: ??

Freyr: ???? _(beaten up senseless, lying in a corner with a black eye and bruises all over him)_ Nani?...

Heimdall: ... Shimatta... What exactly is going on...?

_**Music: "Tragedy" by Bee Gees**_

Heimdall: Here I lie,  
In a wreckage of machinery,  
What to do?  
It's gone, it is beyond repair...  
It's his fault  
He came and done the whole thing in,  
I really should be billing him,  
Billing him,  
Then killing him, killing him

_Still on his knees, he turns his face up towards the heavens._

Tragedy!  
The experiment's gone and I can't go on,  
It's tragedy!  
Just look at that fool with all that drool,  
It's one big nightmare!  
It cannot be real, that's really not fair!!!!

_While Heimdall is busy brooding over the wreckage of his once-in-a-lifetime invention, Freyr makes a run for it on Gullinbrusti._

_**Poem: This Little Pig (I think)**_

Gullinbrusti: Bweeeee!!! Bweeee!!! Bwee!! (Translation: This little pig went bwee! Bwee! Bwee! All the way home!)

Heimdall: Freyr!!!! Huh? Where's that insolent fool?!?!?!?!?!?!

_Darts to the door but it's too late; Freyr's gone_

**Scene Two: Well of Urd, Asgard**

_The norns of past, present and future are gathered around the Well of Urd, watching the goings-on in Midgard._

_**Music: "Can you feel the love tonight" from The Lion King **_

Verdandi: I can see what's happening

Urd: What?

Skuld: _(jabs a finger at Urd) _And she don't have a clue.

Urd: WHO?!!

Verdandi and Skuld: It's Freyr's fault, and here's the bottom line... we're forced to sing in tune.

Urd: Ohh...

Verdandi: The sweet enchanting music

Skuld: From Ranma to my "Lady Fair".

Verdandi: AND with all this ENCHANTING atmosphere

Skuld: Disaster? Hello, we're there!

All: Can you feel the groove tonight?  
The "bwee's" the evening brings.  
All creatures at once, from god to little pig  
Are singing in the wings...

Urd: So many things to tell them,  
I'm cackling with glee.  
The truth about their past! Heh heh hehe  
All things are known to me!

Skuld: I'm holding back, I'm hiding,  
What to say... I can't decide.  
What future will the present unfold?  
Will this singing ever subside?

All: Can you feel the groove tonight?  
The "bwee's" the evening brings.  
All creatures at once, from god to little pig  
Are singing in the wings...

CAN you feel the groove tonight?  
You needn't look too far...  
From Odin's crows to Heimdall's blows  
Ragnarok's where we are....

Verdandi: And if we don't find an answer soon...

Skuld: (sniffle)

Verdandi: (blows nose)

Urd: It can be assumed...

Skuld: All of us will SING forever...

All: In short the world... is DOOOOOOOOMED.

(AN: BWAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAH!!!!!)

Skuld: How in the world could this have come to pass?

Urd: Freyr messed up, the damage just might last.

Verdandi: Even all of Asgard's affected...

Together: The source of all this must be detected...

Urd: Would this farce be our fate?  
We must stop this before it's too late.

**Scene Three: A Street in Tokyo**

_A much disfigured, beaten-up Freyr is limping down an alleyway. Gullinbrusti is nowhere to be seen._

Freyr: Gullinbrusti!! Gullinbrusti!!! GULLINBRUSTI!!!!!!  
Oh, poor Freyr! Even Freyr's own companion has deserted him. Freyr only hopes that Heimdall has not been able to track him down...yet. What did Freyr do to deserve all this?

_**Music: "Stayin' Alive" by Bee Gees**_

Freyr: Well, you can tell by the way I limp, not walk,  
I'm an unlucky man, no time to talk.  
I get hit and I am gone,  
I've been kicked around since I was born.

And now it's all right, it's OK.  
And you may look the other way.  
I just wish I could understand,  
The right way to dance the can can.

pause _Did I just say that?_

Whether I'm a God or whether I'm human,  
I'm just stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Feel the city breaking and everybody shaking,  
and I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive.

Well now, I run low and I run high,  
And if I can't do either, I really try.  
I've the wings of Asgard on my shoes.  
I'm a hunted man and I just can't lose.

You know it's all right, it's OK.  
I'll live to see another day.  
I have to try, and I know why,  
The Norse God Freyr will never lie.

That whether he's a God or whether he's human,  
He's stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Feels the city breaking and everybody's shaking,  
and he's stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive. Aah.

I'm running nowhere.  
Someone please help me,  
Someone please help me, yeah.  
I'm running nowhere.  
Someone please help me, yeah.  
I'm stayin' alive.

Well, you can tell by the way I limp, not walk,  
I'm an unfortunate man, no time to talk.  
I'll be gone before it's dawn,  
I've been kicked around since I was born.

And now it's all right, it's OK.  
And you can look the other way.  
And I just want to find out why,  
Heimdall wanted me to die.

_Freyr runs out onto the bustling streets of Tokyo nightlife._

Whether I'm a God or whether I'm human,  
I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive. (_Chorus: He's stayin' alive, stayin' alive)  
_Feel the city breaking and everybody shaking,  
And I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive. (_Chorus: He's stayin' alive, stayin'alive )  
_Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive.

I don't think I care.  
Somebody help me, (_Chorus: Somebody help him.)  
_Somebody help me, yeah.  
I don't think I care.  
Somebody help me, yeah.  
I'm stayin' alive.

Chorus: He's stayin' alive, just stayin' alive.

Freyr: I'm running nowhere.  
Someone please help me,  
Someone please help me, yeah.  
I'm running nowhere.  
Someone please help me, yeah.  
I'm stayin' alive...

_Night has fallen. Being the anime character he is he has now fully recovered from his injuries and woes._

Freyr: Shimatta!!!!! Freyr still has not proposed to Yamato Nadeshiko!!! What has Freyr been thinking all this while?

_He runs down the busy street. And bumps into someone. Wait, not just anyone; Skuld._

Skuld: Freyr, just the person I was looking for!

Freyr: Skuld, what are you doing here...

_Without saying another word, she drags him back into the alleyway and rams him against the wall._

Skuld: It's all YOUR fault, you know! That heaven, earth and hell is putting on this show!

Freyr: Uh-oh. I think I know what's coming...

_**Music: "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne**_

Skuld: Uh huh, you should know,  
Uh huh, uh huh, you're in deep shit  
Yeah, you should know,  
Uh huh, uh huh that you're in deep shit.

You fool! Whatcha do that for?  
You know you've started a musical uproar,  
And if you only had let it be,  
You will be free,  
You could have left things alone,  
But no, you messed up on your own,  
Now you hide and cower, why don't you be brave and face my power,

_A mallet materializes in her hand and she lifts it up, ready to strike. Freyr tries to make a run for it but she slams him against the wall again._

Come, stand and fight, u won't be alright,  
You're watching your back, you cannot relax,  
Up against the wall, you seem very tall but no,  
So tell me

_She strikes him with the mallet following the beat getting progressively more and more violent._

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?  
I see the way you are a hopeless klutz you get me frustrated  
Life's like this you  
And you fall and you crawl and you break,  
And you plunge everyone into real huge trouble,  
So promise me you'll never do such a thing again,  
No, no, no.

_Freyr ducks her final blow and tries to escape but Skuld corners him once again, her voice rising to a crescendo._

You come over unannounced  
And ruin someone's grand plan,  
Where you are and where it's at you see  
You're making me  
Laugh out when you chase that girl of yours,  
Grovel; come down on all fours,  
You know you look really silly,  
Ain't make-believe,

Come, stand and fight, u won't be alright,  
You're watching your back, you cannot relax,  
Up against the wall, you seem very tall but no,  
So tell me

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?  
I see the way you are a hopeless klutz you get me frustrated  
Life's like this you  
And you fall and you crawl and you break,  
And you plunge everyone into real huge trouble,  
So promise me you'll never do such a thing again,  
No, no, no.

_She releases him and he makes a run for it. She watches him run as the street fades into the darkness. Silence falls. She turns and disappears._

_The clink of a bell echoes through the darkness. Enter Verdandi looking forlorn._

Verdandi: Ragnarok is coming,  
And we must do something,  
We can't just sit around watching,  
As everyone else is singing...

Why, Odin?  
Why must this befall us?  
Is this a curse?  
A punishment?

_**Music: "Why, God, Why?" from Miss Saigon**_

Verdandi: Why has this world broken into song?  
Why has Ragnarok gotten so near?  
How can I feel good when everything's wrong?  
Why is he cool when disaster's here?

Midgard...

You don't give answers, do you, Odin?  
Just questions that don't ever end...

Why Odin?  
Why today?  
We're not through here,  
We will stay,  
There're many things here that we'll miss,  
Why bestow us a thing like this?

We are the Norns, goddesses of fate,  
We should have been able to foresee this,  
I know that revenge was involved, and hate,  
What went wrong then, what did we miss?

Midgard...

Hey, look  
I mean you no offence,  
But why does nothing here make sense?

Why, Odin?  
Show your hand,  
We can't do it,  
Not anyone can,  
We liked Midgard as the place it was,  
Please help us out, we are at loss.

When the lab blew apart, we, the Norns saw it all,  
It was a disaster, police came to investigate,  
What was left of the lab was going to fall,  
And all we could do was sit, drink tea, play chess and wait.

And it was from that point on,  
Before we could act, the culprit was gone!

And then life became one enormous song!

Why, Odin?  
Why this fate?  
Why a catastrophe of this rate?  
We liked Midgard as the place it was,  
Please help us now, we are at loss!

We're at loss!!!!

_Enter Urd and Skuld._

Urd: Verdandi..., I'm afraid Odin-sama cannot answer our questions. Odin-sama can't help us.

Skuld: Onee-sama, this is getting really scary...

Verdandi: Scary? Whatever do you mean, Urd Onee-sama?

Urd: Have you seen Odin just yet?

_Flashback_

_Odin is dancing around his room, clearly in a hyper mood, wearing his Kero-chan socks. Blasting from the state-of-the-art sound system in his room is..._

_**Music: "Fruits Candy" from Card Captor Sakura**_

Odin: Tip Tap  
koi wa itsudatte Candy  
FURU-TSU no you ni Tasty  
Good Luck  
sou ne mainichi ga SUNDAY  
awatenaide My Heart

_End of flashback_

Urd: _(shudders) _Gives me the willies every time I think about it.

Skuld: Whose fault is it though?

_**Music: "Blame Canada" from South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut.**_

Norns: Nothing's changed!  
And things are getting worse...  
We can't control ourselves  
We still have to talk in verse!

Urd: Should we blame the All-father?

Skuld: Or that girl going "mystery!"

Verdandi: Or, should we blame the writers we can't see?

Norns: NO!  
Blame Freyr!

Freyr: EEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

_He runs as they all chase after him with mallets, hammers, sickles, knives, a bokken and Odin knows what else._

Everyone: Blame Freyr!

Thor: With his beady little eyes...

Heimdall: I'd love to roast him till he dies...

Everyone: Blame Freyr!  
Blame Freyr!  
Let's all form a full assault!  
It's Freyr's fault!

_Closeup of Heimdall_

Heimdall: Don't blame me, _(sniff)  
_For my evil plan...  
I just wanted Loki dead..  
Yet now I sing holding his hand!

_Zoom back as everyone comforts him_

Loki: And my boy Fenrir once...  
Hated music - He'd rather face death!  
But now when I see him, he's singing just like the rest!

Fenrir: (sing song) Somebody kill me...

Urd: Blame Freyr!

Everyone: Blame Freyr!

Heimdall: It seems that every-thing's gone wrong  
Since Freyr came along...

Everyone: Blame Freyr!  
Blame Freyr!

Yamino: Don't think you're get-ting any of my soufflé! _(RASPBERRY)_

Freya: Freyr could've been a... _(mumble)_ or something inoffensive at least, it's true!

Heimdall: Instead, I'll burn him like a piggy on a barbecue! (Bwee?)

Everyone: Should we blame the parents? (Freya: Hey!)  
Should we blame the swine?  
Or just everyone else till we somehow end this rhyme?

Urd: Heck no!

Everyone: Blame Freyr!  
Blame Freyr!

With all his "Yamato Nadeshiko..." this  
And his "Yamato Nadeshiko..." that

Everyone: Blame Freyr!  
Death to Freyr! For...  
The way that he speaks  
The way that he walks  
The things that he says  
Just the fact that he talks  
We'll give Freyr a kick from us  
For just being such a big pain in the arse!

_The mob disperses._­­­­­­­­­­­

**Scene Four: Downtown Tokyo**

_Freyr is running. He sprints over to the apartment in which he and Heimdall share. He flops down onto the floor, depressed. Signs of physical abuse are still evident on his body. He looks up towards the window of his bedroom, sighs and starts to sing, his voice soft._

**_Music: "Out There" from The Hunchback of Notre Dame_**

Freyr: The world is cruel.  
The world is wicked.  
And I alone must wallow here in my self pity!  
I am my only friend...

I who only want Yamato Nadeshiko!  
I who always tried to give her cheer...  
How can I profess my love to her...?  
As long as I must stay in here?  
Away in here....

Yes, I am gorgeous (Oh so gorgeous...)  
And they are jealous (They must be jealous...)  
For my beauty is unrivalled in this whole city!

A burden I must bear. (I am a tragic figure.)

Out there they always beat on me, the monsters!  
(Yes they are monsters!)  
Out there they make me cower here with fear...  
(Oh... they are monsters!)

But if loving her's my only crime - then damn it!  
I guess that I'll just...  
...stay in here - Oh please wait for me... (Be faithful!)  
Be faithful to me... (I'd be grateful!)

My love - till then!  
I guess...  
I'll stay in here.

_Sigh_

_He gets up and slowly walks to the open window. The view is spectacular. We look up at Freyr, as he sings..._

Safe behind these windows and these parapets of stone....  
Gazing at the Aesir down below me...

Heimdall: _(seen faintly standing outside cursing) _Baka baka baka baka baka.

Freyr: All my life I've dodged them -  
Hiding often here alone.  
Hungry and quite often very thirsty.

All my life I've seen many thousand faces  
But found not even one that could match my beauty  
Till one day I saw a girl that took my breath away!  
To be with her! Oh... to be with her!

_He jumps out the window and scales the roof, as he sings...._

And out there! She's playing in the sun...  
Just wait for me... out there!  
Don't you worry my hunny bun...  
We'll be together!

Out there,  
I'll slip out when they're unaware!  
Oh.. what I'd give...  
What I'd DARE...  
Just to be - with you - out THERE!!!!!!!!!

_Freyr runs madly - Jumping from building to building, dodging effortlessly past various pissed off gods and their weapons, performing many cool feats of aerial acrobatics, as he sings..._

Out there - among the many, special people in her life  
Oh! Through the roofs and gables I can see her!  
Every day they mock and groan as she - screams "mystery!" till night...  
Heedless of the gift it is to - just be near her!

_He leaps off a tall building, gliding through the air, as he sings..._

If I was in their skin - I'd treasure every instant!

_He lands with a graceful roll, ending up on his feet with the momentum - not missing a beat - he strolls, as his sings..._

Out there, not being a wanted man  
Taste the morning out there!  
Just holding your hand...  
And freely walk about there

Not being chased by all the land!

_He swings majestically on a flag pole with one hand, and jumps off, as he sings..._

I'd be content, with my share.  
Wn't resent, being so fair  
So damn gorgeous, oh I won't care!

I'd be free with you...  
OUT THERE!!!!!!!!

_Dramatic pose as the music swells and the camera zooms around Freyr and then zooms back at lightning speed past buildings, mountains, valleys and seas, going full circle around the Earth, coming back as Freyr is still holding the note. Music ends in a crescendo as doves and sakura blossoms are seen flying through the sky._

__

**-End of Act One-**


	3. Act Two

_Disclaimer: (checks) No, we still don't own Loki, or the songs we are poaching from. We're also still broke. Enjoy!_

**Matantei Loki Ragnarok: The Musical**

**Act Two (Life is a Song)**

_Silence. Complete darkness. Spotlight flashes on the Norns on the side of the stage._

_**Music: "Men in Black Theme" from Men in Black**_

_Music starts_.

Norns: Ooohhh... yeah - The Gods are back...

FLASH, BANG!

_Spotlights in the centre, as..._

_Heimdall appears, and steps up to the microphone at the centre of the stage... flanked slightly behind him are Thor and Freyr. They all have black suits._

Heimdall: Yeah... we're the Gods... (Uh)  
We're the great Norse Gods!

Norns: Here we come... the Gods are back... (The gods are BACK!)  
Not quite like you'd remember...

Heimdall: Na, na, nah... the Mighty Norse Gods are back...  
Remember that!  
Just in case we have a face to face and make contact  
I anger easily (KILL LOKI!)  
Though I've only got one eye, (I) still can see...

So don't you bug me, watch this act!  
I'm going black suit with the black Ray Ban's on  
I walk in shadow, move in silence  
Never had trouble causing plenty of violence...

But yo! We ain't on no regular lists...  
We straight don't exist, fake names and no finger prints  
Saw someone strange? , watch your back!  
Cause you never quite know where the great Norse Gods be at!

Uh, Eh..

Norns: Ooohhh... yeah The Gods are back... (The gods are back...)  
Mor-tal pretenders... (Ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh)  
Ooohhh... yeah The Gods are back... (The gods are BACK!)  
Not quite like you'd remember... (Not quite like you'd remember!)

Heimdall: Uh uh, uh uh...  
Now! From the deepest of the darkest of night,  
On the horizon, bright light! - My invention's just right!  
Cameras zoom! I feel impending DOOM...  
And then like BOOM ...smoke fills the room up!

With the quickness - Freyr's done his business, I,  
Try to speak but... instead I sing... what?  
Vivid memories of musical fantasies...  
Ain't no R.S.V.P's...  
Can I please...?

We're all in this show and we just can't kick it...  
Ya know what I mean?

It can get noisy - pretty quickly get wicked on ya.  
But we're your first, last and only line of defence,  
Against this strange musical men-ace....

So don't fear us, cheer us!  
If you ever get near us, don't interfere... Yes...  
We're fearless.  
The G.A.B yeah - better believe now...

Freyr: What's that stand for?

Heimdall: The Gods. Are. Back!  
Uh, M-m-m-...

Norn: The Gods are back...

Guys: Uh uh uh...

Norns: The Gods are back...

Guys: Uh uh uh, ah ah ah...

_The guys put on shades and dance..._

Heimdall: Let me see ya just bounce with me.  
Just bounce with me.  
Just bounce with it me. C'mon,  
Let me see ya just slide with me.  
Just slide with me.  
Just slide with me. C'mon.  
Let me see ya take a walk with me.  
Just walk it with me.  
Take a walk with me. C'mon,  
And make your neck work.

Now freeze.

Norns: Ohhh ohh ohh YEAH!  
Ooohhh.. yeah The Gods are back...(The gods are back..)  
Mor-tal pretenders... (Ohh ohh ooooooooooooohh)  
Ooohhh.. yeah The Gods are back...(The gods are BACK!)  
Not quite like you'd remember... (Oh noo..)

Heimdall: A-ight check it!  
Let me tell you this in closin'.  
I know we might seem imposin',  
But trust me if we ever sing in your section..  
Believe me - run for your own protection....  
Cuz we do things that you need not see,  
So best be safe - protect your sanity!  
Now go on with your life,  
Forget this musical crap.  
But show love to the Norse Gods...

Cuz that's the way in...  
Yeah - That's the way in...

Norns: Ooohhh... yeah The Gods are back... (The gods are BACK!)  
Mor-tal pretenders... (Mor-tal pretenders!)  
Ooohhh.. yeah The Gods are back...(The gods are back...)

Not quite like you'd remember... (Not quite like you'd remember...)  
Ooohhh.. yeah The Gods are back...(oh yeah we're back!)  
Mor-tal pretenders... (Ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh ohh!)  
Ooohhh.. yeah The Gods are back...  
Not quite like you'd remember...

_Spotlights off. Complete darkness..._

**Scene One: The Enjaku Detective Agency**

_School has just ended. Daidouji Mayura exits the school building with a group of friends chattering excitedly._

Mayura: Ne, ne. I have to go meet up with a friend someplace. So I'll see you guys again tomorrow okay?

Friend 1: Is it that detective that you've been telling us about?

Friend 2: His name... its Loki, right?

Mayura: Yeah! I've just found out about a real fushigi mystery and I want Loki-kun to help me investigate it. Honto ni fushigi mystery!!!!

Friend 2: sigh Is that all you ever think about?

Mayura: _(bounces off happily)_ Fushigi Mystery!!!!!

Friend 3: ...guess it is...

_**Music: "How Do You Solve a Problem like Maria" from The Sound of Music**_

Friend 1: She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee  
Her dress has got a tear

Friend 2: She waltzes on her way to class  
And whistles on the stair

Friend 3: And underneath her giggles  
She sees mysteries in the air

Friend 1: I even heard her singing in the temple

Friend 4: She's always late for classes  
But her penitence is real

Friend 3: She's always late for everything

Friend 2: Except for every meal

Friend 4: I hate to have to say it  
But I very firmly feel

Everyone: Mayura's not an asset to the agency

Friend 1: I'd like to say a word in her behalf  
Mayura makes me laugh

Friend 5: How do you solve a problem like Mayura?  
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?  
How do you find a word that means Mayura?  
A flibbertigibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing Loki knows he'd like to tell her  
Many a thing she ought to understand

Friend 2: But how do you make her stay  
And listen to all you say  
When there's a mystery always on hand?

Everyone: Oh, how do you solve a problem like Mayura?  
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

Friend 4: When I'm with her I'm confused  
Out of focus and bemused  
And I never know exactly where I am

Friend 3: Unpredictable as weather  
She's as flighty as a feather

Friend 2: She's a darling!

Friend 3: She's a demon!

Friend 4: She's a lamb!

Friend 3: She'd out pester any pest  
Drive a hornet from its nest  
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl

Friend 2: She is gentle! She is wild!

Friend 1: She's a riddle! She's a child!

Friend 3: She's a headache!

Friend 4: She's an angel!

Friend 5: She's a girl!

Everyone: How do you solve a problem like Mayura?  
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?  
How do you find a word that means Mayura?  
A flibbertigibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing Loki knows he ought to tell her  
Many a thing she ought to understand  
But how can he make her stay  
And listen to all he says  
When there's a mystery always on hand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Mayura?

Friend 5: How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

_Scene shifts to Mayura prancing down the street in high spirits._

_**Music: "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning" from Oklahoma**_

Mayura: All the sounds of the earth are like music  
All the sounds of the earth are like music  
The breeze is so busy it don't miss a tree  
And an ol' weeping willow is laughing at me

Oh what a beautiful evening  
Oh what a beautiful day  
I've got a beautiful feeling  
Everything's going my way

_She arrives at the Enjaku Detective Agency where Yamino is busy sweeping...no, vacuuming the front yard._

Mayura: Konbanwa Yamino-kun!

Yamino: Konbanwa Mayura-san. You're here to see Loki-sama right? He's just upstairs.

Mayura: Hai, hai. And... (stomach growls)

She glances up at Yamino sheepishly.

Yamino: (smiles) Hai, hai. Douzo.

_He leads her into the mansion, into the dining hall. The table has already been set for two with the finest china plates and crystal wine glasses. Two dog bowls have been placed by the table; one which is empty and another which is filled with something that looks suspiciously like wine._

_**Music: "Be Our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast**_

Yamino: Ma chere Mademoiselle, it is with deepest pride, and greatest pleasure that I welcome you here this evening. And now, please relax, let me pull up your chair as Ryusuke Yamino proudly presents...._ drumroll _... your dinner!!!

Yamino: Be my guest,  
Be my guest,  
Put my cooking to the test,  
Tie a napkin round your neck, cherie,  
And I'll provide the rest,

_He uncovers the soup tureen_

Soup du jour,

_He uncovers a silver platter_

Hot hors d'oeuvres!

Why, I only live to serve.  
Try the sake, its delicious!  
Don't believe me? Ask the fishes!  
Make you laugh!  
Make you cry!  
Try the curry, you might die!  
And a dinner here is never second best!

_He hands her a menu._

Go on, unfold your menu,  
Take a glance and then you'll,  
be my guest,  
Oui, my guest!  
Be my guest!

Beef ragout!  
Cheese souffle!  
Pie and pudding on flambe  
I'll prepare and serve with flair  
A culinary cabaret!

You're alone and you're starved,  
The rack of lamb has been carved,  
Who is gloomy, who's complaining?  
When my specialties you'll be tasting,

Here's the entree,  
Wait a sec,  
I'll check the oven and I'll be back.

_He runs into the kitchen, putting on a huge frilly pair of oven gloves._

Oh, it's all in perfect taste.  
That you can bet!

Come on and raise your glass,  
You're dining in high class,  
To be my guest!

If you're stressed  
It's fine dining I suggest!

Be my guest!  
Be my guest!  
Be my guest!

Chorus: Life is so unnerving  
For a servant who's not serving  
He's not whole without Loki to wait upon.

Yamino: Ah, these present days when I am useful.  
I hope these present days will never end.  
For years I've been banished,  
Even my talents had all vanished,  
Needed lotsa practice, a chance to retrieve my skills!  
Most days, I bustle around the mansion.  
Isogashii to genki.  
Content and oh, so happy!

_He dances over to the stove and starts to boil some water to make tea._

Chorus: It's a guest!  
It's a guest!  
Sakes alive, he'll have no rest!  
Running around, getting worked up,  
Having the napkins freshly pressed!

Yamino: With dessert, you'll want tea  
Mayura-san, that's fine with me

Chorus: In the pot, tea will be brewing,  
It'll be bubbling! It'll be boiling!  
It'll get warm, piping hot!

_He makes his way back to the table and suddenly spots a speck of dirt on the tablecloth and nearly spills the pot of hot tea all over Mayura as he hurries to clean it._

Yamino: Asgard's sakes, is that a spot?  
Clean it up! I want the girl to be impressed!  
I've got a lot to do.  
Is it one lump or two?  
For you, my guest

Chorus: She's his guest!

Yamino: She's my guest!

Chorus: She's his guest!

Yamino: Be my guest!  
Be my guest!  
My command is your request.  
It is good to have a visitor here  
I am obsessed!  
With your meal, with your ease  
Yes, indeed, I aim to please.  
Ingredients I'll be mail-ordering,  
Try the oysters, you'll keep going...

Course by course!  
One by one!  
'Til you shout  
"Enough, I'm done!"  
Then I'll send you off back home as you digest.  
Tonight you'll prop your feet up  
But for now let's eat up!  
Be my guest!  
Be my guest!  
Be my guest!

Please, be my guest!

_He finishes with a flourish and poses with a tray of cakes and sweet meats balanced precariously in one hand and a big kettle (which still has a price tag on it) in the other._

Mayura: ... _(claps)_

**Scene Two: Downtown Tokyo**

Angry Shopkeeper: And stay out, you mangy mutt!

_Fenrir is ejected with a kick from the local butcher's shop, and the door is banged shut. He trots off to another sweet meat shop, but the shop keeper slams the door closed just before he gets there. He turns towards another two shops, which immediately close for the day..._

_Dejected, Fenrir turns away and sings..._

_**Music: "Close Every Door" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat**_

Fenrir: Close every door to me  
Hide all your food from me  
Bar all the windows  
And ignore my plight

_Drops of rain begin to splatter on the pavements. A cloud passes over the already darkening sky..._

Do what you want with me  
Hate me and laugh at me  
Deny me my mealtime  
I just want a bite!

Oh if I'm not soon sated I  
May ask - will I live or die?  
Perhaps all my answers lie  
Far from this world

Close every door to me  
Keep food I love from me  
Children of Loki  
Have much to atone...

But I know I shall find  
My own peace of mind!  
For I have been promised  
A meal of my own...

Choir: Close every door to him  
Hide all your food from him  
Bar all the windows  
And ignore his plight....

(lalalalalalala...)

Fenrir: Just give me a steak or two...  
And stop all this rain _sigh_  
Without any food I'll just  
Wither away...

Perhaps I do not matter...  
I'm only one puppy...  
Destroy me completely  
Then throw me away!

Oh if I'm not soon sated I...  
May ask - will I live or die?  
Perhaps I will bring about the  
...end of this WORLD!

Choir: Close every door to him...

Fenrir: Close every door to me!

Choir: Keep food he loves from him...

Fenrir: Keep food I love from me!

All: Children of Loki!

Have much to atone...

Fenrir: But I know I shall find!  
My own peace of MIND!  
For I have been promised...  
A meal of MY OWN!!!!!!!!!!

_The rain stops. Fenrir has strolled all the way over to Loki's house._

Yamino: (From inside) Dinner's ready!

_Fenrir wags his tail, his mouth watering as he leaps inside through the doggy door..._

_Somewhere else in Tokyo, Narugami arrives. He's still wearing his school uniform and carrying his bokken. He looks straight ahead. There's a food shop with a mouth-watering sushi display in the window!_

_He sings as he approaches the object of his desire..._

_**Music: "Hunger" from Transformers the Movie**_

Narugami: When I see what I want,  
I'm gonna eat it!

If it's just out of my range,  
you can bet that I'll meet it...

My need to feed gives me the will to survive!  
I gotta find food fast to keep me alive!

_He reaches the shop, and does a double take when he sees the price of the food..._

Oh, I can't believe my EYES!

_He frantically checks his wallet and then his eyes pour with a flood of tears..._

Hunger... I want it so bad, I can taste it!  
And it drives me mad -  
to see it just waiting...

Oh I need it so bad that it's  
hurting me!!!!!!

I'm HUNGRRRYY!!!

_He dashes out of screen. We see him at high speed doing heaps of odd jobs around the street in front of the shop. Each time he passes the shop window, he sighs, etc..._

Oh I'd do anything to get it!  
And feel no regret...

_Looks at his watch and sees that it's close to closing time...._

Time's running out... and I ain't made ENOUGH YET!  
Oh I'm gonna be SOO in debt!

Hunger... I want it so bad, I can taste it  
And it drives me mad  
to see it just waiting...  
Oh I need it so bad that it's  
hurting me!!!!!!  
I'm SO HUNGRRRYY!!!

It's hurting MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!1

His Stomach: GROWL!

_Narugami takes out a guitar and starts to jam outside the shop in desperation. People pass by and drop money into a hat that's next to him on the floor._

Hunger... I want it so bad, I can taste it  
And it drives me mad  
to see it just waiting...

Oh I need it so bad that it's  
hurting me!!!!!!

It's hurting me!!!!!!

It's hurting me!!!!!! (Time is running out! I've got to make it...)  
It's hurting me!!!!!! (Time is running out! I've got to make it...)  
It's hurting me!!!!!! (Time is running out! I've got to make it...)  
It's hurting me!!!!!! (Time is running out! I've got to make it...)  
It's hurting me!!!!!! (Time is running out...)

It's hurting, it's hurting, IT'S HURTING MEEE!!!!!

YEAH....

_Finally, he stops, satisfied. He rushes with all his cash towards the shop... Alas, the shopkeeper closes the door just as he gets there. Sad, defeated and dejected, Narugami leaves the area..._

_In a quiet alleyway in downtown Tokyo, Gullinbrusti is busily searching for food scraps...in the many trash cans and heaps of litter piled against a wired fence._

Gullinbrusti: (happily) Bweeee!!!

_He leaps from trash can to trash can, diving head first into each one._

Fenrir: Daddy!!!

Gullinbrusti: Bwee?

_He pokes his head out of the bin just in time to see a teary-eyed Fenrir dashing past._

Gullinbrusti: Bwee bwee buhi.

_He retreats into the bin once again until he hears a roaring sound. He pokes his head out once more and..._

Narugami: _(charges past leaving behind a cloud of dust) _ONAKA GA SUITA!!!!!!

Gullinbrusti: Bwee? Bwee...

_Gullinbrusti turns back to his work when suddenly..._

Gullinbrusti: BWEE!!!! _(lightbulb flashes on above his head)_

_He leaps out of the bin and thunders off..._

**Scene Three: The Enjaku Detective Agency**

_Loki's study. He's entertaining some teenage boys and girls. Apparently, they think that his whole idea of the Enjaku Detective Agency is somewhat like a joke._

Teenager 1: He's the detective?

Teenager 2: This chibi?

All: _(laugh) _Nah!

_**Music: "Little people" from Les Miserables**_

_Loki faces the audience and gestures casually towards the group of teens who are still making fun of his height and his age._

Loki: They laugh at me, these fellows just because I am small,  
They laugh at me because I'm not a hundred feet tall,  
I tell them there's a lot to learn down here on the ground,  
This world revolves cause little people turn it around.

A worm can roll a stone,

_He steps painfully on the toe of one of the teens._

A bee can sting a bear

_Teenager: Ouch!_

A fly can fly around Midgard cause flies don't care,  
A sparrow in a hat can make a happy home,  
A flea can bite the bottom of Odin on his throne.

_They stop making fun of him and eye him warily. One of them however is still snickering._

Goliath was a bruiser, who was tall as the sky,  
But David threw a right and gave him one in the eye,  
I've never read the bible but I know that it's true,

_Loki pauses to think: I was there, And yeah, I was rooting for Goliath_

_They start to laugh again._

It only goes to show what little people can do.

_He delivers a swift kick to the shin of one of them and smiles innocently up at them when they glare at him_.

A worm can roll a stone,  
A bee can sting a bear,  
A fly can fly around Midgard cause flies don't care,  
A sparrow in a hat can make a happy home,  
A flea can bite the bottom of Odin on his throne.

_He goes up to the only female in the group._

So listen here my dear, with your head in a cloud,  
It's often kinda useful to get lost in a crowd,  
So you're a high school student, I don't give a damn,  
For better or for worse it is the way that I am.

_He releases his demonic aura little by little. Apparently, some of them can see it and they gasp and start to back away towards the door._

Be careful as you go, cause, little people grow...

_Evil smirk_

And, little people know when little people fight,  
We might look easy pickings but we've got some bite!  
So never kick a dog because it's just a pup,  
You'd better run for cover when the pup grows up!

_He unleashes his full demonic aura (what's left of it, though) on them and those who can see it yelp and scoot all the way downstairs and out of the house dragging the rest of the gang along with them._

You'd better run for cover when the pup grows up!

_Loki slumps back onto his chair and Ecchan floats towards him._

Ecchan: Punyan!

Yamino: (from downstairs) Loki-sama? I just heard our guests leaving... What happened?

Loki: Betsu ni.

Yamino: It's almost time for dinner, Loki-sama.

Loki: (lazily) Coming!

_He sets off downstairs, Ecchan floating lazily after him._

_Loki and Mayura are having dinner while Yamino is whipping up a dessert special using a recipe he got through (what else?) mail-order. Mayura is busy rambling on and on and on about the latest "Fushigi Mystery!" and Loki is listening politely, occasionally feeding Ecchan off his plate._

Loki: Ne, Yamino-kun. Where's Fenrir?

Yamino: _(comes out from the kitchen) _Hmm...I don't know, Loki-sama. I haven't seen nii-san all day. He...YIKES!!!

_With a clash and a clatter they are interrupted by three raging food machines...oh, wait, its Narugami, Fenrir and Gullinbrusti._

Loki: (dumbfounded) Shouldn't have asked.

_**Music: "Food, Glorious Food!" from Oliver!**_

Fenrir: Food, glorious food!

Narugami: Hot sausage and mustard!

Gullinbrusti: Bwee bwee bwee bwee

Together: Cold jelly and custard!  
Pease pudding and saveloys!

Fenrir: _(raises a paw) _What next is the question?

Narugami: 'Bout time we had it boys

Together: In-di-gestion!

Together: Food, glorious food!  
We're anxious to try it.  
Three banquets a day --  
Our favourite diet!

Fenrir & Narugami: Just picture a great big steak (Bwee?)  
Fried, roasted or stewed.  
Oh, food,

Fenrir: Wonderful food,

Narugami: Marvellous food,

Gullinbrusti: Bwee bwee bwee bweeeeee!!

Together: Food, glorious food!  
Eat right through the menu.  
Just loosen your belt  
Two inches and then you  
Work up a new appetite.  
In this interlude --

Then food,

Narugami: Once again, food

Fenrir: Fabulous food,

Gullinbrusti: Bwee bwee bwee bweeeeee!!

Gullinbrusti: Bwee bwee bwee bwee bwee  
Bwee bwee bwee bwee bwee bwee (Narugami: Good one!)

Fenrir: Burned, underdone, crude

Together: Don't care what the cook's like. (Yamino: Oi!)  
Just thinking of growing fat  
Our senses go reeling.  
One moment of knowing that  
Full-up feeling!

Together: Food, glorious food!  
What wouldn't we give for  
That extra bit more --  
That's all that we live for.

Why should we be fated to  
Do nothing but brood

Fenrir: On food,

Narugami: Magical food,

Fenrir: Wonderful food,

Narugami: Marvellous food,

Fenrir: Fabulous food,

Gullinbrusti: Bwee Bwee Bwee Bweeeeee,

Together: GLORIOUS FOOOOD!!!!! _(dramatic Charlie's Angels pose)_

_pause_

(crickets chirp)

_pause_

Mayura: Er..._(applause)_

Yamino: (deadpan) So I take it, two more for dinner? _(turns to Fenrir)_ Nii-san, I've got your food right here...

Narugami: Yeah, megane! Hayaku! I'm starving!

Yamino: Er...hai.

_Yamino hurries back into the kitchen. At that moment the doorbell rings and Yamino darts off to answer it._

Fenrir: Hurry UP!

_Gullinbrusti bwees with agreement._

_Yamino returns to the dining hall seconds later accompanied by Oshima Reiya. She is holding a small package and shyly presents it to Loki._

Reiya: Ano... Loki-sama?

Loki: _(smiles down at her kindly) _Konbanwa Reiya-chan.

Reiya: I made this cake especially for you, Loki-sama.

Mayura: Ah, cake!!!

Fenrir: _(eyes bulge out, starts drooling)_ Daddy!!!

Narugami: _(licking his lips)_ Looks good!!!

Gullinbrusti: Bweee!!

Loki: Ah, arigatou Reiya-chan...

_There's the sound of cardboard being ripped apart viciously. Loki turns to Mayura, Fenrir, Narugami and Gullinbrusti and sweatdrops._

Mayura: Loki-kun, you haff to chwai this. Iht's goood!!!

Narugami: I scchhecond thish!

Yamino: Loki-sama?

Loki: ...

Reiya: I, erm...guess I'll be going off first?

_Reiya leaves the Enjaku Detective Agency very much alone. She looks up at the mansion and sighs._

_**Music: "On My Own" from Les Miserables **_

Reiya: And now I'm all alone again, nowhere to go, no one to turn to,  
It was a shame to waste my time, but I did it cause I wanted to,  
Another night is near, now I can make believe he's here.

Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping,  
I think of him and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping,  
The city goes to bed, and I can live inside my head.

On my own,  
Pretending he's beside me,  
All alone, I walk with him til morning,  
Without him, I feel his arms around me,  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes and Loki's found me.

In the rain,  
The pavement shines like silver,  
All the lights are misty in the river,  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight,  
And all I see is him and me forever and forever.

And I know, it's only in my mind,  
That I'm talking to myself, and not to him,  
And although, I know that he is blind,  
Still I say there's a way for us.

I love him,  
And when the night is over,  
Loki's gone, the river's just a river  
Without him, the world around me changes,  
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers.

I love him,  
But everyday I'm learning,  
All my life, I've only been pretending,  
Without me, his world would go on turning,  
A world that's full of happiness that I have never known.

_Darkness surrounds her as she retreats into the wings still holding the note, her voice getting weaker._

I love him,  
I love him,  
I love him,

But only on my own...

_Darkness envelopes her and all is still and silent. Until there is a flash of light..._

**Scene Four: A Street in Downtown Tokyo**

_The sun then begins to rise. Its rays illuminate the dark, quiet Tokyo street. People are beginning to rise and prepare for the day ahead. A figure carrying a bokken hurries down the street. As the street is gradually bathed in sunlight, we recognize the figure to be Narugami. People spill out onto the street._

_**Music: "Working Class Man" by Jimmy Barnes**_

Chorus: Working hard to make a living  
A man of lightning in the rain  
All night and day, he'll carry on  
Selling food and, taking out stains...  
Oh, oh, oh he's a working class ... god?

Yes, he thinks he's god and everything...  
And you wonder why he only makes minimum wage?  
His steps - the sound of thunder  
across the wide and open range  
Oh, oh, oh he's a working class god

Yes, he thinks he's god and everything...  
A legend in his time.  
He wields the mighty Mjollnir  
Which is just a stick... but hey that's fine...  
And he fights for justice everywhere  
Selling Ramen all the while...  
ohhhh he's a working class god

Well he's supposed to take out Loki  
so he could return to his old life  
He really wants to get back home  
And end all his pain and strife.

But he ain't worried about tomorrow  
cause he just made up his mind  
Life's too short for hunting kids...  
Rather make money and eat just right

Oh, oh, oh he's a working class god  
Oh, oh, oh he's a WORKING CLASS GOD  
Oh, yeah  
Oh,  
Ma, ma . . . . . . . I TELL YOU HE'S A WORKING CLASS GOD!

Yes he is  
Yes he is  
Yes he is

I TELL YOU HE'S A WORKING CLASS GOD!

_The crowd disperses and go about their jobs. Exit Narugami with them. A guy stands apart from the rest of the crowd, leaning against the wall, whiling away his time, smoking a cigarette._

_Enter Hel._

Hel: Why is he always not paying any attention to me? Father...I want my share of your love too, you know! This is not fair at all!!!

_Hel is frustrated and angry. She sulks for a while. The guy seems really interested and keeps his eyes on her the entire time._

_**Music: "What about me" by Moving Pictures**_

Guy: Well there's a little girl standing at the corner of Loki's block  
She's been waiting down there, waiting half the day  
And I think she's about ready to rock.  
She's been pushed around, knocked to the ground  
Now she gets to her feet and she says....

Hel: What about me? It isn't fair!  
My father's love, now I want my share  
Can't you see, I'm gonna give....  
Somehow I doubt that you will live!

Guy: Yes... she's a really creepy girl standing at the corner of Loki's block  
She's still waiting down there, waiting for a sign.  
A sign that could bring down Ragnarok.  
She looks around, cries out loud  
She runs to the street and she screams...

Hel: What about me? It isn't fair!  
My father's love, now I want my share  
Can't you see, I'm gonna give....  
Somehow I doubt that you will live!

Guy: So take a step back Loki and see your daughter  
She may be young but she's the one  
That'll bring you - DOWN to your knees  
So listen, as she whispers.....

Hel: What about me?  
And I'll take you to the place where I call home  
You'll be dead, and then you'll understand -  
Why I'm feeling - cold and alone....  
I've never been lucky, stuck with this lot.  
And sometimes I wish for more... THAN I'VE GOT!

WHAT about me? It isn't fair!  
MY FATHER'S LOVE, now I want my share!  
Can't you see, I'm gonna give....  
Somehow I doubt that you will live!

What about me?

* * *

_Intermission_

_**Music:"He's a Tramp" from Lady and the Tramp**_

_The lights dim in the room. Yamino strolls in playing the violin...Spotlight on Freya as she strolls to the centre of the room._

Freya: What a God!

_Guillinbrusti suddenly appears in a puff of smoke seated at the piano (in a tux) and plays..._

What a God!

He's a tramp  
But I love him _sigh  
_Breaking my heart  
Every way...

_Fenrir comes in. He sees Freya singing and his furry eyebrow shoots right up._

He's a tramp  
I adore him!  
And I only hope he'll be mine someday...

_Fenrir starts dancing energetically and does backup._

He's a tramp (Roughf Roughf Roughf!)  
He's a scoundrel  
He's a rounder... (Bawoooooo...)  
He's a cad

He's a tramp (Oooooooohh...)  
Yet I love him  
Yes, I guess I've got it pretty bad. (Rauraurau...)

You can never tell, (Bau..bau...)  
When he'll show up, (Gruff!)  
He'll give you plenty of trouble (whine whine whine whine whine Bau....)

I guess he's just a no good pup (Gruff!)  
But I wish that he were double!

_Music repeats. Cut to Fenrir tap-dancing. Fenrir grins and his canines sparkle..._

He's a tramp, (Bumbumbum Ruff...)  
He's a ROVER! (Bumbumbum Ruff...)  
And there's nothing more to say. (Bumbumbum Ruff...)

If he's a tramp, (Oooooooohh...)  
He's a good one...  
And I wish that I could travel his way, (Roughf Roughf Roughf)

Wish that I could travel his way, (Roughf Roughf Roughf)

Wish that I could travel his way! (Oooooooohh....!)

Oh Loki-sama!

_Freya runs out of the room. Fenrir stops dancing, suddenly looking dejected._

Fenrir: Bow....?

* * *

**Scene Five: A Park in Downtown Tokyo**

_Freyr, positioned in some trees, sees Mayura kneeling alone in a massive treehouse. Actually, it's more like a huge balcony on a tree. She seems to be depressed. He makes his presence known._

Freyr: My Yamato Nadeshiko! You look so sad. Just tell me the essence of your despair so I may vanquish it from this earth!

_He vaults from the tree to her "balcony". Yes. Exactly like a Tig-ger._

Mayura: Err...Kay... Don't worry about it. It's a mys-tery that I just can't solve....

Freyr: But you never had me to aid you, the great Kaitou Freyr!

_Dramatic pose! Lightning flashes._

Mayura: Sorry Kaitou-san, but you know that thing? That you're just not very good at anything....

_Freyr looks away._

Freyr: I... understand.

_He turns and jumps off her "balcony!"_

Mayura: WAIT!

_Freyr rises up again to her eye level, suspended in mid air._

Freyr: Yes?

_Shocked pause._

Mayura: Er... how did you...

Freyr: Oh... this is my mighty steed - Gullinbrusti!

Gullinbrusti: Bwee! (Translation: Yo!)

Mayura: Wow, I've never seen a pig that could fly before! Hmm..let me see..

_**Music: "When I see an Elephant Fly" from Dumbo**_

Mayura: I've heard of a horse fly! And a dragon fly!  
Why... even a house fly - Mys-tery!  
At least... till I found out the truth....  
I've seen a crrrazzay doll  
Try to kill me and all!  
I've seen a chibi detective that's  
Soooo cute I could die...

But I think I've seen about EVERYTHING  
Now I've seen a little pig fly!

Freyr: Err... what did you say? (I wasn't paying...)

Mayura: I said...  
Now I've seen a little pig fly!

I've seen a little dog - one could think could almost talk...  
With an appetite! Oh my, oh my...

But I've been done seen about EVERYTHING...  
Now I've seen a little pig fly!

Gullinbrusti: Bwee be bwee be be bwee bwee!

Mayura: I passed a test once without writing a word!  
And they tell me there's a boy that can control little birds!

I didn't see that... I only heard...  
A site on the internet, I guess I'll take their word...

I've seen a student - that -  
Switched jobs like people switch hats...  
And 7 mysteries... no wait. That's a lie...

But I've been done seen about EVERYTHING..  
Now I've seen a little pig fly!

_Gullibrusti bucks Freyr off, landing him on his butt on the "balcony". He proceeds to dance on the railing. Mayura joins him._

Gullibrusti: Bhap. Bwau Bebebebwee...  
Ba Bebebebebweebwee...  
Bah Bebebebebebwee!  
Bebebwah... Bapbahbwee!  
Bapbahbweebwee Bapbahbwee!

Mayura: YEP... I've been done seen about EVERYTHING...  
Hell, I've even danced with the GUY....

Freyr: (softly) Brustibooboo... are you well?

Mayura: NOW I'VE SEEN A LITTLE PIG..... FLY!

_Silence_

Freyr: Oh sweet one! If you only commanded, I would take the very sun out of the sky to shine solely upon you! Please my flower, let me help you solve your mystery! The answer must be somewhere... out there! YES!

_Vaults off the balcony back onto Gullinbrusti, and then he sings..._

_**Music: "A whole new world" from Aladdin**_

Freyr: I can show you the world...  
Shining, shimmering... splendid!  
Tell me princess, what better offer...  
Do you have tonight?

_Mayura thinks about this for half a sec, agrees and climbs on next to him. Gullinbrusti speeds off! You can imagine the visuals at every turn. Freyr turns to gaze at Mayura, and continues singing._

I get lost in your eyes...  
Feel you near me and wonder...  
Though - I often blunder...  
Do you feel the same for me - inside?

A whole new world!  
It feels like that when I'm with you....  
There's nowhere we CANNOT go!  
On my mighty boar...  
Just say - The key is believing...

Mayura: A whole new world!  
Full of mysteries to pursue!  
I'll chase them anywhere...  
There's time to spare.

Oh - just any mystery will do....

Freyr: Let me share these MYSTERIES WITH YOU!

Mayura: All the stars in the sky...

Freyr: Fade when compared to your BEAUTY!

Mayura: What is this that I'm feeling?

Freyr: Per...

Mayura: Brr...A bit chilly, but that's all right!  
A whole new world!

Freyr: ...Every second a surprise!

Mayura: A 100,000 mysteries for me!

Freyr: ...Hold your breath, it gets better!

Mayura: I can't believe we've gone so far!  
Without a car!  
But... can we go back? I really have to (pee)....

Freyr: A whole new world!

Mayura: ...Every turn a surprise!

Freyr: Now I have something - to tell you...

Mayura: ...Every moment gets better!

Freyr: For about the longest time...  
I've wanted you TO be mine!  
So please, tell me if there's  
the slightest chance...

_Pause_

Mayura: A whole new world!

Freyr: ...A whole new world?

Mayura: Perhaps we'll see...

Freyr: PERHAPS WE WILL SEE!

Mayura: Who can say...?

Freyr: Come what may...

Both: For you and me.

_Silence. Gullinbrusti glides down into a thick forest...Music abruptly kicks in: Congo drum beats out of nowhere!_

Freyr: Oh...shit.

_You can probably visualise the following quite easily. Note that you should often switch to a static camera shot of the forest from above, with rustling of leaves, etc at the appropriate locations, leaving more to the imagination._

_**Music: "George of the jungle" by Weird Al Yankovich**_

Chorus: Freyr! Freyr! Freyr in the Jungle!  
A disaster recipe?  
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!  
Watch out for that tree! (Ooowh!)

Freyr! Freyr! Freyr in the Jungle!  
Trying so valiantly!  
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!  
Watch out for that tree!

Oh! The cuts and scrapes ...  
As he tries to make his escape...  
Poor Mayura too, has to share his fate!  
Oooh the pain! It's insane! And the girl's in a fit!

BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! Oh... he'll need a first aid kit!

Yes it's....

Freyr! Freyr! Freyr in the Jungle!  
One sad God is he...  
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!  
Watch out for that treeee!  
Watch out for that...  
AAAAAAAAARRRRRHH???? (OOOWH!)  
Treeee!

Freyr! Freyr! Freyr in the Jungle!  
Never gets a break... does he? (Yeah!)

_Hold on shot of the forest from above. THE ENTIRE FOREST SHAKES VIOLENTLY..._

Mayura: BAAAAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Hundreds of birds fly out, to escape the horror..._

_Cut to..._

_Next day - Loki and Yamino are going about their business... Mayura hobbles by on crutches, with a fair few plasters and bandages._

Loki: Err...

Mayura: Look, I've had a REALLY bad night! Anybody who asks me about it... dies!

_pause_

Mayura: Just find out how to stop all these songs okay! I'm going to bed. Wake me up sometime next week.

_She leaves._

Loki: Err.....

**Scene Six: A Square in the Capital of Modern Japan, Tokyo**

_The entire cast gather in the square. A lot of them seem pretty annoyed and some are still singing away ignoring everything else that's going about them._

Heimdall: Have any of you noticed...?

Mayura: Yeah... and I'm really pissed!

Loki: I can't believe this...

Freya: Ooohh, you're gonna give me a kiss?

_Instinctively, Loki moves away from Freya._

Yamino: It seems that we've been cursed,

Verdandi: Ragnarok or this, I wonder which is worse...

_**Music: "Do You Hear the People Sing?" from Les Miserables**_

The Cast: Do you hear the people sing?  
Singing the song of angry Gods,  
This is the music of the people  
who refuse to sing again  
When the beating of your heart  
Echoes the beating of the drums  
We will all put a stop to this when tomorrow comes.

Will you join in our crusade?  
Who will be strong and stand with me?  
Beyond the mundane,  
Is there a world we long to see?  
Then join in the fight,  
Break the spell tonight  
Then we'll be free!

Do you hear the people sing?  
Singing away in ol' Asgard,  
This is the music of the beings  
Who refuse to sing again  
When the beating of your heart  
Echoes the beating of the drums  
We will all put a stop to this when tomorrow comes.

_Koutarou steps out with his huge following of supporters (all humans), turns around and sings to them._

Koutarou: Will you give all you can give  
So that the Norse Gods may advance,  
We'll not fail, we'll be victorious,  
Come, stand up and take this chance!

_Narugami leaps out to the front, wielding his bokken and sings with a passion that mirrors his fighting spirit._

Narugami: The song of the martyrs  
Will take over the plains of Asgard!

_At the last note of his verse, the crowd gathered cheers, raising their fists, weapons, paw, trotter, spatula and frying pan and Odin knows what else... They resume singing, this time with more vigour, louder and fiercer than ever before._

The Cast: Do you hear the people sing?  
Singing away in ol' Midgard,  
Singing the music of the people  
Who refuse to sing again  
When the beating of your heart  
Echoes the beating of the drums  
We will all put a stop to this when tomorrow comes.

Tomorrow comes!!!!!!!

_They hold the final note and then stop. Curtain falls._

**-End of Act Two-**

**Writer's Note:**

_phew_

_Full credit goes to Bookworm and Ragnarok for coming up with the idea in the first place and for filking the songs. To all the people whom we modelled our characters' personalities after; domo arigatou gozaimashita!_

_As for the third and final act, well... that one's gonna have to wait unless someone out there is willing to help me piece it together. However, I will TRY to get that one over and done with before I graduate (leaves me plenty of maneuvering room... tee hee)._

_Till next act,_

_Ja! -_

_Michiesan_


	4. Act Three: Finale

_AN: eheheheh. Erm. Sorry? Its finally, FINALLY done. Er. Happy Chinese New Year if anyone is still reading this? And no, we still own nothing._

**Matantei Loki Ragnarok : The Musical**

Introducing **blacktohru** as Odin!

**Act Three (Final Showdown)**

_**Music: "Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers Theme" from Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers**_

_It's the break of dawn at the Enjaku Detective Agency. All seems calm n peaceful when the door suddenly flies open and Fenrir bounds out._

Fenrir: Some times,  
Some crimes...  
Go slipping through the cracks

_Spotlight to the front door where Mayura & Loki stand side by side in Sherlock Holmes outfits._

But these two...  
gum shoes...  
Are taking care of that!

There's no case too big no case too small! (Loki: Well...)

When you need help just call...

_Loki & Mayura start striking various different poses; Loki with great reluctance._

Eh, Eh, Eh, EN ...JAKU!  
Detective Agency!  
(Ohhh!) EN ...JAKU!  
WHEN THERE'S DANGER!

No no it never fails!  
once they're involved...  
Somehow the mystery's always solved!

_Yamino & Ecchan join them._

Eh, Eh, Eh, EN ...JAKU!  
Detective Agency!  
(Ohhh!) EN ...JAKU!  
WHEN THERE'S DANGER!

No no it never fails!  
They'll chase the clues...  
And find the Where's? and Why's? and Who's?!

Eh, Eh, Eh, EN ...JAKU!  
Detective Agency!  
(Ohhh!) EN ...JAKU!  
WHEN THERE'S DANGER!  
Eh, Eh... EN ...JAKU!

_They pose in front of the Agency, Loki on his knees and Mayura behind him, her hands spread in a V-shape. Yamino looks on with a sweatdrop. Ecchan is perched on Loki's shoulder and Fenrir lies down (Cleopatra style – he does it sooo well) in front of Loki._

_Fireworks blast into the sky. The stage is plunged into darkness._

**Scene One: A Square in the Capital of Modern Japan, Tokyo**

_The curtain rises. Enter Koutarou who addresses the audience._

_**Music: "Oh, What a Circus" from Evita**_

Koutarou: Oh what a circus, oh what a show  
Tokyo has gone to town  
Over a little musical phenomenon  
We've all gone crazy  
Singing all day and singing all night  
Falling over ourselves to get out of this musical right

Oh what an act, that's how we go  
When the authors demand, we go down  
Demand us to sing and dance all day long  
It's quite the travesty  
BUT good for this country in an ironic way  
We've made the front page of all the world's papers today  
(_Holds up a newspaper to the audience_)

Just who would you think is behind this?  
Can it be Hel, (_Spotlight reveals Hel reading in a comfortable chair to his right)  
_the god Thor (_Spotlight tracks Narugami hurrying across the stage with a broom)  
_or Verdandi? (_Spotlight reveals Verdandi having a cup of tea to his left)  
_These are the Gods who live among us  
How will these farce end? Let's wait and see…

_The stage darkens and the rest of the cast enter and gather around Koutarou. Spotlight on Freyr._

Freyr: Now... what's this about me destroying a machine..?

_Stage is flooded with light. Everyone face faults._

Heimdall: Listen, I don't think it was Freyr...

Verdandi: Well... his accident did happen right when this musical started...

Loki: But... perhaps that's just misdirection. Maybe we should be looking at other possibilities...

Freyr: Couldn't we have had this speech early on in Act 1?

Heimdall: I went over the system schematics of my Neuter-aliser ray.

Loki: Err...

Heimdall: (_Smiles evilly_) You would have enjoyed it. Anyway...The destruction he caused was extensive, but I can't see how any of the magic I used - however badly disrupted - could have caused "this".

_pause_

Urd: Come on sisters… think. If it's not Freyr, who could have done this...

_**Music: "Always Coca-Cola" theme**_

_Norns assume center stage with the rest of the cast grouped around them in "eager to learn" positions at their feet._

Skuld: When-ever things involve a fool  
Freyr springs to mind first...

Verdandi: When there's troub-le at a zoo  
Heimdall - must - be - at work!

Urd: When it's cook-ING up a - tasty treat  
Yamino's ALWAYS the one! (Hey... I'm just hungry.)

Norns: When we check - them - all one by one... (_GASP!_)  
It must be the all-father! Yes...

_As they sing their lines the rest of the cast jump up until they are all standing_

Loki: Ooo!  
Heimdall: Oooo!  
Freyr: Ooooooo!  
Yamino: Oooo!  
Gullinbrusiti: Bwoooo!  
Fenrir: Bawoooo!  
Narugami: Ooooooo!  
Freya: Ooooo!  
Hel: Oooooo!  
All: Ooooo...  
Ecchan : Punyan!  
Loki: Ooo!  
Heimdall and Freyr: Oooo!  
Yamino and Narugami: Oooo!  
Freya and Hel : Ooooo!  
Gullinbrusiti and Fenrir : Bwoooo... (and Bawooo...)

All: It must be the all-father! (_GROUP POSE of Sudden Insight!_)

Skuld: I can see no reason why  
We all are forced to sing...

Verdandi: But... as clich-ed as it sounds -  
(The only one with such) power - is our king!

Urd: Odin-sama is ALWAYS the one!

Norns: Some-thing must be done...  
We must stop the all-father! (Urd: Yeah!)

Loki: Ooo!  
Heimdall: Oooo!  
Freyr: Ooooooo!  
Yamino: Oooo!  
Gullinbrusiti: Bwoooo!  
Fenrir: Bawoooo!  
Narugami: Ooooooo!  
Freya: Ooooo!  
Hel: Oooooo!  
All: Ooooo...  
Ecchan : Punyan!  
Loki: Ooo!  
Heimdall and Freyr: Oooo!  
Yamino and Narugami: Oooo!  
Freya and Hel : Ooooo!  
Gullinbrusiti and Fenrir : Bwoooo... (and Bawooo...)

All: We must stop the all-father! (_GROUP POSE of Determination!_)

_THUNDER!_

_Everyone stares at Narugami._

Narugami: (_shrug_) What? We needed a dramatic ending…

_Everyone starts talking excitedly._

Mayura: So it has been decided then?  
The culprit of this comedy?  
Fushigi Mystery!!!!

_All attention to Mayura._

Mayura: That Odin is the one, whoever he may be.

Fenrir: I'll bark him up the nearest tree!

Narugami: We'll charge him down, we'll make him pray!  
Make ready, comrades!  
Forward we march!

_The Gods cheer and there is much milling around as people tug at each other & rush about, urging each other to make preparations for their assault on Asgard._

_**Music: "When the Foeman Bares His Steel" from Pirates of Penzance**_

_Everyone finishes the milling around with Norse Gods on one side in a vaguely military formation, and Mayura & Kotarou on the other_

Norse Gods: (_marching in place_) When Odin his schemes fulfil  
Tarantara! tarantara!  
We uncomfortable feel,  
Tarantara!  
And we find the strangest thing,  
Tarantara! tarantara!  
As we raise our heads and sing,  
Tarantara!  
For when threatened with émeutes,  
Tarantara! tarantara!  
And your heart is in your boots,  
Tarantara!  
There is nothing brings it round  
Like the trumpet's martial sound,  
Like the trumpet's martial sound  
Tarantara! tarantara!,  
Tarantara, tarantara, tarantara, tarantara,  
Tarantara, tarantara, tarantara, tarantara,  
Tarantara, tarantara, ra, ra, tarantara!

Mayura: (_pulls a hanky from somewhere and waves it_) Go, ye heroes, go to glory,  
Though you die in combat gory, (_glares at Freyr_)  
Ye shall live in song and story.  
Go to immortality!  
Go to death, and go to slaughter; (_glares at Freyr_)  
Die, and every lovely daughter  
With her tears your grave shall water. (_wipes eyes with hanky_)  
Go, ye heroes, go and die!

Koutarou & Female Chorus: Go, ye heroes, go and die!  
Go, ye heroes, go and die!

Norse Gods: (_eye them uneasily_) Though to us it's evident,  
Tarantara! tarantara!  
These attentions are well meant,  
Tarantara!  
Such expressions don't appear,  
Tarantara! tarantara!  
Calculated us to cheer  
Tarantara!  
Who are going to meet their fate  
In a highly nervous state.  
Tarantara! tarantara! tarantara!  
Still to us it's evident  
These attentions are well meant.  
Tarantara! tarantara! tarantara!

Mayura: (_sweetly_. _With fangs_) Go and do your best endeavour,  
And before all links we sever,  
We will say farewell for-ever. (_directs shark-like smile at Freyr_)  
Go to glory and the grave!

Kotarou: (_smirking_) Go to glory and the grave!  
For your foe is fierce and ruthless,  
False, unmerciful, and truthless;  
Young and tender, old and toothless,  
All in vain his mercy crave.

Loki: (_dryly_) We observe too great a stress,  
On the risks that on us press,  
And of reference a lack  
To our chance of coming back.  
Still, perhaps it would be wise  
Not to carp or criticise,  
For it's very evident  
These attentions are well meant.

Norse Gods: (_very nervous now_) Yes, it's very evident  
These attentions are well meant,  
Evident, yes, well meant, evident  
Ah, yes, well meant!

_Stage darkens & curtain falls. The Norse Gods have noticably not moved at ALL from their starting position_

**Scene Two: Odin's Throne Room in Asgard**

_Two goddesses lounge on the veranda outside Odin's throne room. One holds a cornucopia in her hand and the other lazes on the sofa with a goblet of wine. Two chibi goddesses creep in and cuddle against them._

_**Music: "Someday My Prince Will Come" from Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs**_

Goddess 1: Once there was a goddess...  
Chibi Goddess 1: Was the goddess... you?  
Goddess 2: And she fell in love...  
Chibi Goddess 2: Was it hard to do?

Goddess 1: Oh... it was very easy...  
Goddess 2: Anyone would say that he was charming...  
Both: The only one for me... (_They look at each other and glare)_

Chibi Goddess 1: Was he strong and handsome?  
Chibi Goddess 2: Was he big and tall?

Goddess 1: There's no one else like him...  
Goddess 2: Anywhere at all...

Chibi Goddess 1: Did he say he loved ya?  
Chibi Goddess 2: Did he steal a kiss?

Goddess 1: He was so romantic...  
Both: I could not resist... (_They look at each other and glare... again. They then lie back and heave a lustful sigh.)_

_A large number of Goddesses join the two as they begin to dance and sing_

All: Someday... our prince will come!  
Someday he'll be here again  
And straight off our feet we'll go...  
To be happy forever we know...

Someday when at last he's here  
We'll find our love anew!  
And we will sing... and our hearts will ring!  
Someday when our dream comes true!

_A crack of thunder echoes across the plains, halting the goddesses' merriment. A streak of lightning flashes across illuminating a figure heading towards the palace._

Goddess 1: Move out of the way sister! (_She shoves Goddess 2 out of the way.)  
_Goddess 2: Ouch! You've given me a blister! (_Raspberry_)  
Goddess 3: Could it be?  
Goddess 2: Who?  
Goddess 1: Really?  
Goddess 3: It IS him! Come quick and see!  
Goddess 1: He's back!  
Goddess 2: Who's back?  
Goddess 1 & 3: LOKI-samaaaa!

_They all scream a fangirl scream & faint. The surrounding goddesses all rush out to the balcony to get a better look._

_Enter the Norse Gods._

_**Music: "Prince Ali" from Aladdin**_

Chorus: (_forming a pathway down the stage_) Make way for Prince Loki!  
Say HEY! It's Prince Loki!

Voice: Hey, clear the way into old Asgard  
Hey you! Let us through, and we'll send a postcard  
Oh, now is the time for them all to Ooooh and Sigh... (_The goddesses in the balcony oblige)  
_Make way, here he comes!  
Ring bells, bang the drums...  
Are you gonna love this guy!

_Spotlight on Kakusei!Loki_

_Loki saunters down the pathway, the other gods behind him, blowing kisses at the girls as he passes. Freya is seen glaring behind him._

Prince Loki, fabulous he,  
Loki of Asgard  
Let the girls all get in line... no pushing please! (_The goddesses scream and try to climb over each other_)  
Now try your best to stay calm  
As he just ooozes with charm (_Loki gives one Goddess a particularly charming wink_)  
You'll feel your heart just bursting at the seams! (_She screams in joy & faints with hearts in her eyes_)

Prince Loki, mighty is he,  
Loki of Asgard  
Hotter than ten reg-ular men, cute as can be (_Loki gives an air kiss to Heimdall's sweetheart_)  
The girls all think he's so fine... (_She too, screams in joy & faints_)  
That Heimdall wants to rip out his spine... (_Hiemdall makes angry motions with his hands as if strangling something…or some ONE_)  
He'll face an army of women this time!  
for Prince Loki!

He's got women from the Artic to Antartic... (_Whistles and catcalls_)  
He's got women from the insane to divine! (and often both...) (_Freya prevents a particularly enthusiastic Goddess from diving onto Loki. They start fighting_)  
When it comes down to a particular one though...  
Oh what I could be telling you... (_Glare from Loki_)  
Errr... well just look at the time!

Voice: Prince Loki, handsome is he  
Goddess Chorus: There's no question this Loki's alluring  
Voice: Loki of Asgard  
Goddess Chorus: Never ordinary, never boring  
Voice: That physique... the girls all shriek, weak at the knee...  
Goddess Chorus: Everything about the God just plain impresses  
Voice: So if you count yourself fair -  
Goddess Chorus: He's a charmer, he's a tease, hearts flutter…  
Voice: Adjust yourself and prepare!  
Goddess Chorus: But you can't trust even a word he utters  
Voice: For perhaps you'll receive the care...  
Goddess Chorus: Yet we absolutely love the way he dresses!  
Voice: …of Prince Loki!

Chorus: He's got a perfectly radiant smile now  
Goddess Chorus: Let's see the pearlies, oooh let's see the pearlies… (_Loki smirks, the goddesses squeal_)  
Chorus: He brushes twice regularly...  
Goddess Chorus: With fluoride, love fluoride!  
Chorus: He's got slaves, he's got servants and flunkies  
Yamino and Fenrir: Oy! That's not what we...  
Chorus: They bow to his whim, love serving him  
They're just lousy with loyalty... to Loki!  
Prince Loki!

Voice: Prince Loki, amorous he!  
Loki of Asgard  
Heard that Odin just might have the key...  
And that, good people is why, he got grown up and dropped by  
With Yamino, Fenrir and more -  
Heimdall, Freyr, his sister and oh...  
Thor, Gullinbrusti, Hel, Verdand  
Urd, Skuld and ME (Punyaan!)

Ecchan: Make way, for PRINCE LOKI!!!

_Loki strides into Odin's throne room flanked by numerous Gods and Goddesses. He draws his scythe from thin air and challenges Odin._

Loki: Odin!

Odin: (_shrugs_) I suppose it's all MY fault again. What did I do this time?

_**Music: "Mamma-Mia!" by Abba**_

Loki: (_gesturing angrily_) I've been played by you since I don't know when,  
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end,  
Look at me now, will I ever stop?  
I don't know how but I suddenly lose control,  
There is music within my soul,  
Just one look and I can hear myself sing,  
One more look and I ignore everything, o-o-o-oh.

Mamma mia, here I go again,  
My my, how should I destroy you?  
Mamma mia, you act dumb again,  
My my, it makes me wanna hurt you,  
Yes, I've been singing so long,  
Fun since the day we parted  
Why, why must we sing this silly song?  
Mamma mia, now I really know,  
My my, I should have killed you so.

Everyone: We've been angry and mad about the things that you do,  
We can't count all the times the hell you've put us through,  
And when you go, "No, this wasn't me!"  
We think you know, all the things that've been going on,  
You pretend but we've known all along,  
Just one look and we can hear ourselves sing,  
One more look and we forget everything, o-o-o-oh

Mamma mia, here we go again,  
My my, how should we destroy you,  
Mamma mia, the song it never ends  
My my, just how long is it again?  
Yes, we've been singing so long,  
Fun since the day we parted,  
Why, why must we sing again in rhyme?  
Mamma mia, please end this sore refrain,  
Bye bye, let the songs come to an end,  
Mamma mia, its a game we play,  
Bye bye to the tunes forever.

Mamma mia, here we go again,  
My my, how long does the show go on?  
Mamma mia, why put us through this pain?  
My my, just how much We've missed you,  
Yes, we've been singing so long,  
Fun since the day we parted,  
Why, why must we sing this song again,  
Mamma mia, now we really know,  
My my, we will never let you go.

_Loki ends with a dramatic pose. The cast gathers around him and they start to sing._

_**Music: "The Final Countdown" by Europe**_

Chorus: We have come together,  
But still all's not well,  
And maybe we'll come back,  
To earth, who can tell?  
I guess there is no one to blame,  
Except you Odin! (_all gesture angrily at Odin, who hasn't moved from his throne & looks smug_)  
Turn things back to normal again.

It's the final showdown...  
We're heading for combat and still we stand tall,  
Cause maybe you've seen us and spurned us all,  
With so many aeons to go and things to be done,  
Fenrir: Like ripping your head off, that's so fun!

Odin: ENOUGH!!!!

_The room falls silent. Odin glares menacingly at Loki & company. __Stage darkens menancingly, spotlight on Odin & Loki_

_**Music: "I Won't Say I'm in Love" from Hercules**_

Odin: If there's a prize for rotten judgement...  
I guess Loki, you've won that! (_Stands_)

Your entrance deserves a standing ovation... (_Grabs Gungnir from behind him_)

But you're ancient history, now don't you know that! (_He leaps up into the air and strikes down at  
Loki, __who barely blocks in time with his scythe._)

_Stage lights up with a flash. All the other gods are behind Loki looking at them sideways, swaying, snapping their fingers and singing._

Group: Who you think you're kidding? (_Odin slashes at Loki_)  
We know you're the one who's guilty! (_Loki blocks and thrusts_)  
Try to keep it hidden, honey we can see right through you (_Odin blocks_)

Odin: Oh Nooooo!!!

Group: Trying to blame poor Freyr, oh we know it was you but... (_Their weapons clash_)  
Just WHAT were you thinking of?? (_They both back off_ )

_Both of them face off against each other_

Odin: Ohh... No chance! No way…  
I won't say it oh no!  
Loki: This time you'll pay,  
Why deny it, oh oh??  
Odin: It's too cliche...  
I won't say it was me...

Group: Sho wap Shoo doo Oooooooooooh...

_Both of them now circle each other menacingly_

Odin: I thought that you would have learnt your lesson  
You should have died when you were cast out!  
Loki: Yet here I am - must have missed that...  
Both: I'm gonna thrash you till you cry your eyes out!

Odin: Ohh oooh!

_They have a huge battle while the rest of the gods sing _

Group: Oh, you keep on denying! It was you, we know your scheming!  
Baby, we're not buying, Hun we see you've just been pretending...

Odin: Ohh Nooo!

Group: Face us like a grownup, when are you gonna own up that you're just, (just) just that MAD!

Odin: Oohhh ohh...  
No chance, no way!  
I won't say it - No, no!  
Loki: Give up, give in  
Stop the singing, it was YOU!  
Odin: This scene won't play,  
I won't say it was MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Group: Your head's done a flip, read our lips. It. Was. You!

_Loki hits Odin backwards, as he pushes him further and further to a __corner, as the rest of the Norse Gods follow him, still looking sideways, __snapping their fingers._

Odin: You're way off base, I won't say it!

Group: Shoo whoop shoo whooop Shoo Wap Shoo Whap...

Odin: Get off my case, I won't say it!

Group: Shoo whoop shoo whooop oooooo...

_Loki finally disarms Odin, flings him to the floor as he __backs right up to the corner._

Loki: STAY ON THE GROUND! It's the end - it was you...

_Odin cowers as all the gods stare down at him_

Odin: Whoahhhh... okay... fine.  
I'll tell the truth...  
Yes I guess, it was -  
Meeeeeeee...

Group: Shoo whoop shoo whooop...  
Shoo whoop shoo whooop...  
Sha lalalalala ahhh!

Odin: Alright! I give up already! It was me!

Loki: No escape now, you think we'll let you off for free?

Cast: Give us back our lives, we plea!

_Odin slowly stands up, Loki still pointing his scythe at him. He suddenly starts to laugh maniacally and then starts snapping his fingers._

_**Music: "I'll Be There For You" from Friends**_

Odin: So... no one told you - your lives were gonna be this way...  
(_points at Loki_) Your clothes - a joke!  
(_points at Narugami_) You're broke!  
(_points at Freya and Freyr_) Your love life's DOA! (Both: Hey!)  
(_points at Hel_) Looks like you'll always come in second - Dear...  
(_points at Heimdall_) Oh... yes it hasn't been your day...  
your week...  
your month...  
or even your year! (Heimdall: Grr...)

(_turns to include the rest with a grand flourish_) But... I'll end these songs for you...  
No more musical to endure!  
I'll end these songs for you...  
Give your lives back - an instant cure!  
I'll end these songs for you...  
But... what a more evil thing could I doooo ooo?!

(_to Loki_) You used to be a man, but again you'll be just eight...  
(_to Urd_) All you can do is gripe - "how cruel is my fate!"  
(_to Skuld_) Oh Skuld he'll never love you either dear...  
(_to Verdandi_) and Verdandi, your life.. well - you better start drinking beer!

But... I'll end these songs for you...  
No more musical to endure!  
I'll end these songs for you...  
Give your lives back - an instant cure!  
I'll end these songs for you...  
But... what a more evil thing could I doooo ooo?!

No one can ever know me...  
Know what it's like to be me...  
Fenrir, you're the only one who'll know...  
What it's like to eat me... (_Fenrir licks his lips.)_

But until then - I'll tell ya  
Singing brings out all the best in ya...  
All I wanted in life - was to just...  
Sing everyday with all of YOU! (Yeah!) (_Odin has a solo guitar moment. The rest stand stunned/horrified/po-ed.)_

(_to Yamino_) All you can do in life is cook and clean!  
(_to Gullinbrusti_) Err... what can I say to a swine? (Gullinbrusti: Bwout Bwee?)  
(_to Ecchan_) and aww you're cute,  
You should be mine! (Punyan?)

But… I'll end these songs for you...  
No more musical to endure!  
I'll end these songs for you...  
Give your lives back - an instant cure!  
I'll end these songs for you...  
But... what a more evil thing could I doooo ooo?!

I'll end these songs for you...  
I'll end these songs for you...  
I'll end these songs for you...

But... what a more evil thing could I doooo ooo?!

_Scene fades into darkness. __Spotlight picks up Mayura, wondering onto center stage_

_**Music: "Tomorrow" from Annie**_

Mayura: (_cheerfully_) Just thinkin' about,  
Tomorrow,  
Clears away the lyrics,  
And the sorrow,  
Till there's none…

_Enter Loki, back in chibi form, who wanders over to join her._

Loki: When I'm stuck a song,  
That's long,  
And boring,  
I just stick out my chin,  
And sigh,  
And say,

_Enter Reiya, Freyr, Freya & Gullinbrusti. Reiya moves to the middle of the stage first._

Reiya: Oh the songs will soon end,  
Tomorrow,  
So we gotta hang on,  
'Til tomorrow,  
Come what may. (_Transforms into Freya with a poof! Freyr, Freya & Gullinbrusti join her, singing pompously.)_

Freyr & Freya: Tomorrow! (Bwee!)  
Tomorrow! (Bwee!)  
I love ya Tomorrow!

_Enter Children of Loki, who take up position on the other side_

Yamino, Fenrir & Hel: The songs will soon end  
Tomorrow  
Bet your bottom dollar  
That tomorrow  
They'll be gone!

_Enter Heimdall, Narugami & the Norns from opposite sides. Heimdall & Narugami move to join Freyr, Freya, Gullinbrusti & Ecchan, the Norns to stand with Loki's children._

Heimdall & Narugami: Just thinking about,  
Tomorrow,  
The Norns: Clears away the lyrics,  
And the sorrow,  
'Til there's none!

_Spotlight picks up Odin, standing off to one side & elevated above the rest_

Odin: (_spoken_) Solo for the All-Father…!  
(_singing_) When I'm stuck with a song,  
That's long,  
And boring,  
I just stick out my chin,  
And grin, and say--

Cast: The songs will soon end,  
Tomorrow,  
So ya gotta hang on,  
'Til tomorrow,  
Come what may,

Tomorrow!  
Tomorrow!  
We love ya  
Tomorrow!  
You're always a day away!

Tomorrow!  
Tomorrow!  
We love ya, tomorrow  
You're always a day away!

_Chorus rises to a crescendo and with a flourish the curtain falls._

**-End of Act Three-**

**Epilogue**

_**Music: "Pour the Sweet Warm Sherry" from Pirates of Penzance**_

_Set in a pub of some description. The cast occupy a stretch at the bar, pouring sake for each other and proposing toasts. Loki & Mayura are noticeably absent. Mayura-papa & Odin are sitting next to each other in the center of the party._

Cast: Pour, O pour the sweet warm sake;  
Fill, O fill the empty glass;  
And, to make us more than merry  
Let the laughing geisha pass.

Mayura-papa: (_gloomily_) For today my stubborn daughter,  
Swiftly from her studies fle'ed;  
Strong his charm, and strange the case is,  
He's a tantei now indeed! (_drains his glass in one shot_)

Cast: Here's good luck to Mayura's ventures!  
Loki's brought her on his adventures.

_A bouncing Mayura drags Loki past the open "door" of the pub_

Odin: (_wistfully_) Barely e'en ten, now he's fighting,  
Tho' y'know, I wish he'd die, (Heimdall: Here! Here!)  
Which I'm bent on realizing,  
With unusual revelry. (_pours more sake in Mayura-papa's glass_)

Cast: Here's good luck to Loki's ventures!  
Mayura's off on his adventures.

_Loki & Mayura go past in the opposite direction_

Pour, O pour the sweet warm sake;  
Fill, O fill the empty glass;  
And, to make us more than merry,  
Let the laughing geisha pass.

_Music trails off, cast disperse, leaving spotlight on Heimdall. Mayura-papa can be seen sitting in the background, gloomily drinking. Loki enters & sits opposite him._

_**Music: "Bye Bye Bye" by N'Sync**_

Loki: We're done with this tonight, yeah!  
Heimdall: I'm probably gonna start a fight, now (_evil grin_)  
Loki: Finally all is set to right, yeah, the singing is gone... (_makes a funny face as he realises he's still singing_)  
Heimdall: It all started innocently!  
Loki: (_annoyed_) You just wanted to kill me...  
Heimdall: Odin changed our lines to verse, and made us sing along...

Both: I know that we could take no more… it aint no lie...  
This act is done, and so's our song, baby bye bye bye!

_Spotlight on the Norns walking away. They stop and face the audience_

The Norns: We don't wanna sing no more,  
Just another player in Odin's broadway show  
Urd: (_steps up to the front_) You may love me, but it aint no lie  
The Norns: Baby, bye bye bye!

_Spotlight on Odin, in bed, bandaged and severely beaten_

Odin: You didn't really have to be so rough!  
You could have just told me that you had enough...  
It might sound crazy, but it's more civilised!  
yeah, bye bye bye! (Ow, Ow)

_Spotlight on Mayura walking away. She does a twirl & stops facing the audience_

Mayura: I'm glad we found the truth,  
Fushigi Mysteries are such a hoot!  
So give me another now!  
(_looks around & sees Freyr behind her_) Oh... come on...

_Freyr dashes up to Mayura before she can escape_

Freyr: I live for you and me,  
And, somehow I'll make you see!  
That our lives would be much better, (_makes a crude galloping gesture_) if we get it on!

_Stage plunges into darkness. _

_There is a crack of bones breaking._

_A brief silence follows._

_Spotlight on Yamino opening the front door to the house to see Narugami and Gullinbrusti outside_

Yamino: I know that I can't take no more, and that's no lie...  
Narugami: I wanna see you cook some more!  
Yamino: (_slams the door & catches Gullinbrusti's tail_) No! bye bye bye (BWEEEE!)

_Yamino paces away from the door towards a ruined kitchen_

Yamino: I don't want to be a cook for you  
you ate all the food, and in the larder too...  
(_sighs at empty larder_) better do some shopping  
(_flips through mail-order catalogue_) ooh, that looks nice!  
Bye bye bye! (_turns to leave_)

_Spotlight on Fenrir walking towards a dejected Narugami & Gullinbrusti_

Fenrir: Don't really like meat too tough,  
Yamino's cooking I'll never have enough (howl howl!) (_he sees Narugami and Gullinbrusti dejected and hungry outside and freezes_)  
No, that's crazy!  
Please say it is a lie,  
Nowoooo, bye, bye, bye!

_Spotlight on Freya and Hel who are standing off to the side of the stage_

Both: I'm not giving up, I know for sure.  
Don't wanna be missing out on his love no more..  
Oh no!  
Freya: I need him bad  
Hel: (_looking at Freya_) Ew, He's my dad!  
Both: Don't wanna be an outsider, no I've had enough!

_Spotlight on Koutarou, standing near Freya & Hel_

Koutarou: (_gesturing grandiosely to the audience_) I'm tired of being a fool!  
Singing till I'm blue.  
(_pauses to consider_) Although my voice... is... quite... divine!  
Cast: Bye bye bye!

_Spotlight back on Loki and Heimdall_

Loki: (_gesturing vehemently_) We'll stop singing soon enough!  
(Heimdall: (_bangs head on table_) Make it stop!)  
We've run out of stuff! (_tips over empty sake bottle_)  
And that aint no lie,  
(Heimdall: (_eyes Loki speculatively_) I'm... going... crazy!)  
Bye, Bye

_Spotlight back on the Norns_

The Norns: Don't wanna be a fool for song  
Just another player in Odin's Broadway show (Urd: I don't wanna be a fool!)  
But it ain't no lie  
Baby bye, bye, bye...

_Spotlight on Narugami, Fenrir & Gullinbrusit, huddling dejectedly by the door_

Narugami: (_looks utterly crushed_) Don't really wanna sing no more  
(Fenrir: don't wanna sing no more!),  
I just wish we were fed enough  
(Fenrir: We weren't fed enough!).  
Narugami & Fenrir: We might sound crazy,  
But it ain't no lie,  
Narugami, Fenrir & Gullinbrusti: Bye, bye, bwee!

_Stage lights up again to reveal whole cast, with Freyr crushed at Mayura's feet beneath a large mallet. Everyone comes up to the front & takes a bow_

Cast: (_waving_) We had fun just making up stuff! (haha, we made this up!),  
We just really hope that you had enough (that you had enough!).  
Might sound crazy,  
But it ain't no lie...

_Ecchan zooms to the very front and waves. Confetti showers from the ceiling_

Cast: Bye, bye, bye!

Ecchan: Punyan!

_Curtain falls._

-The End-

**Writer's Note:**

_looks very sheepish _Erm… hello everyone? I KNOW I was supposed to have finished this before graduation and this has been waaaaay overdue… But the point is it's finished!!!

It's been so long that I'm sure some of our cast might even have forgotten they were cast in the first place. Thanks to **Bookworm** for pressuring me into finishing this! And also for helping me filk the songs when it seemed that my creative juices had ceased to flow. Also, kudos to **Ragnarock **for coming up with some of the funniest and craziest scenes in this whole musical.

Thank you to all who have been faithfully following the progress of this insanity-come-true and who have supported us all the way!

Til next musical!

(Bookworm: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Finite.

**Michiesan**


	5. Phantom of the Opera tribute

_AN: We couldn't work any Phantom songs into the real one (too gloomy) so… Just to repeat, we own NOTHING. Except the idea I suppose _

**Final Night: Departure of the Gods - A Musical OMAKE**

_Yamino is reading from Hel's book. As he reads, the scene fades into a flashback of Hel's last moments, as she lies in Loki's lap in a field of flowers._

Yamino: While with an eye made quiet by the power of harmony and the deep power of joy, we see into the life of things…

Hel: Oyasumi nasai, otou-san.

_She vanishes into golden sparkles that fill the screen then fade to reveal Yamino, Fenrir and Loki, standing in a field near the tram Hel had used in her attempt to kill Loki._

Yamino: Hel nee-san…

Fenrir: Did Hel smile?

Loki: Aa.

Fenrir: Then, I suppose it went well…

Loki: Mm.

_The scene fades into a large tree, with the Norns seen standing beneath it _

**Music:"Past the Point of No Return" from The Phantom of the Opera**

The Norns: Past the point of no return,  
the final threshold -  
the bridge is crossed,  
so stand and watch it burn . . .  
We've passed the point of no return . . .

Urd: The time of destiny has come.

_Scene shift to Freya, standing by herself and watching _

Freya You're returning, Loki.

_Scene shifts back to Loki and his family _

Yamino: To…our world.

_Scene shifts to Enjaku Detective Agency. Loki is looking at the Brising's necklace. He closes the lid of its box and looks up, surveying the study, which has dust cloths over everything. Yamino enters the room_

Yamino: The bottom floor is all packed.

Loki: Good. Thank you.

Yamino: We can finally go back to the world of the gods…

Loki: Would you like to stay in this world a little longer?

Yamino: No. I only wish to follow Loki-sama.

Loki: There is no mail-order in the world of the gods.

Yamino: You're teasing me about that again…

_They share a laugh, although Yamino is sweatdropping. They freeze as they hear Mayura's voice from downstairs._

Mayura: Loki-kun?

Loki: Mayura…

_Mayura is looking at the boxes in confusion _

Mayura: What…

_She looks up to see Yamino coming down the stairs._

Mayura: Yamino-san! Where is Loki-kun?

Yamino: Loki-sama…has gone out.

Mayura: Gone out…when will he be back?

Yamino: Who knows?

Mayura: 'Who knows?' What do you mean, 'who knows'?!?

Yamino: He just suddenly disappeared…

Mayura: Disappeared? Why aren't you looking for him?

_Yamino refuses to answer. Loki and Fenrir can be seen listening from the top of the stairs. Mayura becomes more agitated._

Mayura: What does this mean? Please explain! How can you just stand there so calmly when he's disappeared?

Yamino: Yes.

Mayura: Hurry and find him!

Yamino: No.

Mayura: What is it…why…I don't understand! I don't understand at all!

Upstairs, Loki closes his eyes 

Yamino: He will perhaps return one day

Mayura: 'One day'? When is 'one day'?! Is it today? Tomorrow?!? Yamino-san!

He still refuses to answer, despite Mayura's obvious frustration and distress. 

Mayura: Fine! Never mind, I'll look for him

_She turns and leaves. As she does so, Loki returns to his study and shuts the door on his family._

Ecchan: Loki-tama!

Fenrir: Daddy…

Yamino: Even if we return to the world of the gods, would Loki-sama have a place to stay?

Fenrir: Eh?!? Baka, what are you saying, idiot? Father will defeat Odin and become ruler of the world of the gods! It's obvious!

_Scene shifts to Loki's study, where he is looking out the window. Mayura can be seen leaving the house._

Loki: Ruler…of the world of the gods…

_Zoom out of the window to where Mayura is walking._

**Music: "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from The Phantom of the Opera**

Mayura: You were once my one companion . . .  
you were all that mattered . . .  
You were once a friend and comfort -  
then my world was shattered . . .

_Scene shifts to a café, where Loki is meeting Verdandi for tea._

Verdandi: Memory?

Loki: Yes. Verdandi, with your black alchemy, can you not do anything?

Verdandi: There is nothing I cannot do. Whose memory do you want to erase?

_Loki pauses for a long moment before he replies _

Loki: Mayura's.

Verdandi: Eh?

Loki: I want you to erase all of her memories of when she was with us. This is for her own good.

Verdandi: Loki-sama…

Loki: Will you do it, Verdandi?

Verdandi: I understand. I will what you ask.

Loki: Thank you.

_It is now sunset. Mayura is walking alone down the streets _

Mayura: Loki-kun…where are you? I…still couldn't make up with you…

**Music: "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from The Phantom of the Opera**

Mayura:Wishing you were somehow here again . . .  
wishing you were somehow near . . .  
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed,  
somehow you would be here . . .

_Narugami comes in from the opposite direction, pulling his yaten._

Narugami: Eh? Daidouji?

_Mayura looks up and sees him _

Mayura: Narugami-kun…

Narugami: What's wrong? Its' not like you to be so down…

_Mayura starts to cry, and Narugami becomes flustered _

Narugami: Eh?! Ah…um…er…Daidouji…er…ah…want a kimchi?

_Scene shifts to Enjaku Detective Agency. Loki is at his desk, staring at a brooch in his hand. Verdandi stands before him._

Loki: Thank you.

_He turns to look out the window _

Verdandi: Are you truly fine with this, Loki-sama?

_He holds up the brooch to catch the sun _

Loki: With this…it will be fine…

_It is now the next day. Narugami and Mayura are walking around a shopping district together, obviously searching for Loki. Narugami is extremely uncomfortable as he thinks to himself._

Narugami: This is awkward. Although I did say I'd help her look for him, the Loki that Daidouji knows is no longer…

_Mayura stops suddenly._

Narugami: Uh? What's wrong, Daidouji? Do you have an idea of where he might be?

_She pauses for a long moment before answering _

Mayura: No.

Narugami: Eh?

Mayura: There is nowhere I can search. Once I thought on it, I realised I know nothing about Loki-kun. So, even though I want to find him, I have nowhere to look.

Narugami: Daidouji…

Mayura: For some reason…he reminds me of the story of Alice in Wonderland. Waking up one morning and seeing all those mysterious things, then suddenly they disappear. Loki-kun is also gone. I feel like I will never see him again. This feeling…I have felt this feeling in the past. Sorry, Narugami-kun.

_She turns and begins to run off _

Narugami: O…Oi!

_She stops at his call and turns back towards him _

Mayura: Ah…sorry to bother you on your part-time job. Thank you for helping me. I'll look for him on my own now.

Narugami: O…oh…

Mayura: Bye.

_She exits, leaving Narugami staring after her._

Narugami: Daidouji…

**Music: "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from The Phantom of the Opera**

Mayura: Wishing I could hear your voice again . . .  
Feeling that I never would . . .  
Dreaming of you won't help me to do  
all that I dreamed we could . . .

_Scene switches to Enjaku Detective Agency. Mayura stands outside the gates looking in hesitantly._

Mayura: He really has gone…

_She goes inside and looks around _

Mayura: Hello?

_No reply _

Mayura: No one's here…

_She goes upstairs and hesitates outside Loki's study door _

Mayura: If I go in uninvited, he'll get angry again…

_She hears a noise from inside, prompting her to burst happily through the door._

Mayura: Loki-kun!

_She stops short at the sight of Kakusei Loki behind the desk, who rises from his seat to greet her. Scene switches to a park. Loki and Mayura sit on a bench near a fountain, they are obviously in the middle of a conversation._

Mayura: I don't know where to look for him anymore.

Loki: I see…

_He looks at brooch in his hand and remembers Verdandi's words._

Verdandi: If you put this in Mayura-san's hair, all her memories of her times with us will vanish.

Mayura: Ano…

_He closes his hand over the brooch as Mayura brings him back to the present._

Loki: What is it?

Mayura: Well…it's just, what is your relationship with Loki-kun?

Loki: Ah…

Mayura: Are you a close relative?

Loki: No, just a close friend of his…

Mayura: Oh…A friend, I see…

_Loki opens his hand again, preparing to give her the brooch, when Mayura stands up _

Mayura: Well, then. I'll go look for him again. I don't know where to look, but I'll look for him again.

Loki: I see…

Mayura: Then, excuse me.

_She turns as if to go _

Loki: Ah, wait a moment!

_She stops and looks at him _

Mayura: Yes?

_He stands to face her, hand closed around the brooch _

Loki: Is there anything I can do to help?

Mayura: Eh?

Loki: You…seem quite depressed.

Mayura: Ah…thank you. But, your feelings help me enough.

_She turns to go _

Loki: Ano sa…

_Birds take off and Mayura turns to see Loki, for a brief instant, with wings _

Loki: I'm a god. So…I'll grant you one wish.

_He starts to offer her the brooch, but Mayura abruptly starts to giggle _

Loki: Eh?

Mayura: Hehehe…you sound just like Loki-kun.

_In shock, he freezes, the brooch already half outstretched towards her._

Mayura: I…do believe in fushigi mysteries, but I don't believe in gods. When I was little, my mother got sick, and I prayed to the gods every day that she would get better. But…it was futile.

_She pauses in memory before farewelling him again and starting to walk away._

Mayura: So…excuse me.

_She stops abruptly, back facing Loki _

Mayura: Is someone important to me going to disappear again? I…don't want that.

_Suddenly, she turns around and bows _

Mayura: I want to see Loki-kun again!

_Loki stares at her in shock, but she refuses to meet his eyes. Seemingly without his conscious consent, his hand retracts the brooch. _

Loki: ah…

Mayura: I don't believe in gods, but…if you can help us meet again…then please! I want to see Loki-kun again!

_She runs away, leaving Loki staring after her _

Loki: Mayura…

_Scene shifts to the shopping district. Mayura is asking the store owners if they have seen Loki, while he watches her from the shadows_

**Music: "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from The Phantom of the Opera**

Loki: Passing gods and weirdling dangers,  
cold and monumental,  
seem, for you, the wrong companions -  
you are warm and gentle . . .

Mayura: Too many years fighting back tears . . .  
Why must the mystery die . . .?

Wishing you were somehow here again . . .  
fearing we must say goodbye . . .

Loki: Try to forgive . . .

Mayura: teach me to live . . .

Both: give me the strength to try!

_Loki looks again at the brooch in his hand _

Loki: No more memories,  
no more silent tears . . .

_He looks up again at Mayura _

Mayura: No more gazing across the wasted years . . .

Together: Help me say goodbye…

Loki: I…

_He makes up his mind and drops the brooch, which shatters on the ground_

THE END!

_Roll credits to scenes of the Gods as they turn away and return to their daily lives on Earth. _

**Music: "Think of Me" from The Phantom of the Opera**

Loki: Think of me, think of me fondly,  
when we've said goodbye.  
Remember me, once in a while -  
please promise me you'll try.  
When you find that,  
Once again, you long  
to take your heart back  
and be free -  
if you ever find a moment,  
spare a thought for me…

I never said this friendship would remain,  
or even asked for you to be -  
but if you can still remember  
stop and think of me . . .

Mayura: Think of all the things  
we've shared and seen -  
don't think about the things  
which might have been . . .

Think of me, think of me searching,  
lonely and resigned.  
Imagine me, trying too hard  
to keep you in my mind.  
Recall those days  
look back on all those times,  
think of the things we'll never do -  
there will never be a day,  
when I won't think of you . .

Loki: What's going on?  
What am I feeling?  
_(no way!)_  
What a shock!  
You're really not quite all  
the gawkish girl  
I thought you were...  
She may not remember me, but…  
I'll remember her...

Mayura: You never said our friendship would remain,  
or that you would always stay by me -  
but please promise me, Loki: But I promise you,  
that sometimes… that sometimes  
you will think of me! I will think of you!

REALLY THE END!

**By: Bookworm**


	6. Track Listing

_As requested, a list of all songs used so far _

**Track List:**

**Trailer:**

"Tiny Toon Adventures Intro Song" from Warner Brothers _Tiny Toon Adventures _

**Prologue**:

"Prologue" from _Sunset Boulevard_

**Overture:**

"Rumour in St Petersburg" from _Anastasia_

"Wouldnt it be Lover-ly" from _My Fair Lady_

**Act One:**

"Baka Song" from _Ranma ½_

"Tragedy" by _Bee Gees_

"Can You Feel the Love Tonight" from Disneys _The Lion King_

"Stayin Alive" by _Bee Gees_

"Complicated" by _Avril Lavigne_

"Why God Why?" from _Miss Saigon_

"Fruits Candy" from _Card Captor Sakura_

"Blame Canada" from _South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut_

"Out There" from Disneys _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_

**Act Two:**

"Men In Black Theme" from _Men In Black_

"How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria" from _The Sound of Music_

"Oh, What a Beautiful Morning" from _Oklahoma_

"Be Our Guest" from Disneys _Beauty and the Beast_

"Close Every Door" from _Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat_

"Hunger" from _Transformer: The Movie_

"Little People" from _Les Miserables_

"Food, Glorious Food" from _Oliver!_

"On My Own" from _Les Miserables_

"Working Class Man" by _Jimmy Barnes_

"What About Me" by _Moving Pictures_

**Intermission:**

"Hes a Tramp" from Disneys _Lady and the Tramp_

"When I See An Elephant Fly" from Disneys _Dumbo_

"A Whole New World" from Disneys _Aladdin_

"George of the Jungle" by _Weird Al Yankovich_

**Act Three:**

"Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers Theme" from Warner Brother's _Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers_

"Oh What a Circus" from _Evita_

"Always Coca Cola Theme" from Coca Cola

"When the Foeman Bares His Steel" from _The_ _Pirates of Penzance_

"Someday My Prince Will Come" from Disney's _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_

"Prince Ali" from Disney's _Aladdin_

"Mamma Mia" by _ABBA_

"The Final Countdown" by _Europe_

"I Won't Say I'm In Love" from Disney's _Hercules_

"I'll be There For You" from _Friends_

"Tomorrow" from _Annie_

"Pour the Sweet Warm Sherry" from _The Pirates of Penzance_

"Bye Bye Bye" by _NSynC_

**Phantom of the Opera Tribute (_all songs here are from Phantom of the Opera)_**

"Past the Point of No Return"

"Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again"

"Think of Me"


	7. Oklahoma Omake tribute

_AN: As promised, the final omakes. This one is a complete standalone quickfic based around "People will say We're In Love" from Oklahoma. As before, we still own nothing except the idea. Enjoy!_

* * *

Fangirls: Loki-samaaaa!

Loki: (_ducks around dark corner to lose them_)

Heimdall: Loki? glare What are YOU doing here?

Fangirls: Loki-samaaaaa! (_tear past_)

Loki: What do you think? (_peeks around the corner, then ducks back as they go past again_) Why are YOU here?

Fangirls: Heimdall-samaaaaa! Where are you!

Heimdall: Same reason as you. (_nervous twitch_)

Fangirls: Loki-sama! Heimdall-sama! Where are you? Sign our doujin!

Loki: (_shudder_) What's the bet it's yaoi?

Heimdall: (_shudder_) I don't want to think about it.

Loki: It's your fault you know. If you hadn't shown up that ONE time in Kou-chan's game in an apron…

Heimdall: Hello!? Whose mind did that stupid dragon use for characters anyway? If anyone's to blame it's YOU! (_glare_)

Loki: (_glare_) sigh

_**To the tune of "People Will Say We're in Love" from "Oklahoma"**_

Loki: (_recitative_) Why do they think up stories that link my name with yours?

Heimdall: sigh (_recitative_) Why do the fangirls chatter all day behind their doors?

Loki: (_singing_) I know a way to prove what they say is quite untrue  
Here is the gist, a practical list of "don'ts" for you...

Don't throw bouquets at me  
Don't tease my folks too much  
Don't try to annoy me too much  
People will say we're in love!

Don't sigh and glare at me  
Your glares are so like mine  
Your eyes mustn't glow like mine  
People will say we're in love!

Don't start collecting things  
Give me back my staff and bow  
Heimdall they're suspecting things  
People will say we're in love

Heimdall: (_singing_) Some people claim that you are to blame as much as I  
Why did you take trouble to cruelly steal my eye?  
Granted your wish, I carved your initials on your tomb  
Just keep a slice of all the advice you give, so free

Don't chase my hawk too much  
Don't look so vain always  
Don't fight in the rain with me  
People will say we're in love!

Don't shoot at me too much  
Don't keep my eye away  
Your life, is mine to steal  
People will say we're in love!

Don't fight all night with me  
Till the stars fade from above  
They'll see it's alright with me

Both: People will say we're in love

_pause_

_loud applause_

Mayura: Verdandi-san that was good!!

Narugami, Fenrir & Skuld: (_laughing too hard to speak_)

Freya: Loki-sama is MINE! Heimdall can't have him! (_glomps Loki_)

Yamino: Er…(_hiding laughter behind hand_) Very…unique!

Verdandi: (_smiles beatifically_) Thank you, I thought so too. (_holding puppet-strings of Loki and Heimdall dolls_)

Loki: (_glare_) Ha.Ha.Ha.

Heimdall: (_fuming_) NOT. FUNNY. I really, REALLY hate you.

Urd: (_smirking_) I thought it was funny.

Koutarou: I never knew you had it in you, tantei.

Hel: … (_smiling_)

Loki: I WILL get revenge.

Heimdall: I will KILL you!

Loki: It looks like on this, at least, we are agreed.

Freyr: Freyr doesn't understand? Are Heimdall and Loki dating?

Other characters: … (_facefault_)

Heimdall & Loki: NO!!

**The End**


	8. OMAKES

_AN: This last bit is exactly what it says, all the extra bits and sences that didnt make the final cut. With this, the insanity is out of our systems, until whatever time it chooses to manifest itself again. (sings to Frank Sinatra's "My Way") And now, the end is near/And so we face the final curtain/My friends, we'll say it clear/We've sung our case, that's for certain/We've writ the songs in full/We've rhym-ed and tortured the cast true/and at the end of all of this/hope you had fun too! _

_As per normal, we still own nothing except the idea._

**Bits that didn't make it in for whatever reason**

_**Music: "Captain Planet Theme" from Captain Planet and the Planeteers**_

Norns: We have foreseen it, only the one true Loki has any hope of convincing Odin to return things to normal.

Loki: You guys have the power to do that though, right?

Norns: You'll need more than a simple illusion spell this time. Your body must be reforged with the power of the elements.

Thor: Well, I could zap him a little...

Norns: Might be fun... but no. There are 5 magical artefacts that contain the power we seek. They have been scattered across the world...

_pause_

All: ROADTRIP!!

OUR WORLD IS IN PERIL!  
The Norns, the weavers of fate  
Can no longer stand the terrible singing  
Plaguing our planet.  
To collect five magic orbs...  
They dispatched five brave Norse Gods:

YAMINO, to Africa, to collect the power of EARTH. (_Yamino seen gardening._)

to North America, HEIMDALL, for the power of FIRE (_Burning lots of stuff - wearing a manic grin!_)

to the Soviet Union, THOR, for the power of WIND (_Trudging alone up a windy mountain..._)

to Asia, FREYR, for the power of WATER (_Err...He's just surfing..._)

to South America, FENRIR, for the power of HEART (_He's looking cute as beautiful girls pet him._)

When the 5 powers combine, they'll summon Asgard's greatest champion - Kakusei Loki! Go Loki!

...the power is yours!

_And of course, sometime later...The gods all "Go the distance..." as it were :), and now circle around Loki_

YAMINO: EARTH! (_Beam jumps from orb and hits Loki_)

HEIMDALL: FIRE! (_Beam jumps from orb and hits Loki_)

THOR: WIND! (_Beam jumps from ... you get the idea_.)

FREYR: WATER!

FENRIR: HEART!

ALL: GO LOKI!

Loki: By your powers combined... I am Kakusei Loki!

YAY!

Kakusei Loki! He's a hero!  
Gonna turn the music volume down to zero!  
He's our powers magnified...  
Now let's go on up and kick Odin's hide...

Kakusei Loki! He's a hero!  
Gonna turn the music volume down to zero  
Gonna help him pull asunder..  
A bad guy who created this whole - musical blunder!

You'll pay for this Odin-sama...

We are Loki's peers, and we'll fol-low him through.  
For stopping all this singing is the thing to do!  
The tonedeaf - it's a horror.. stay away!  
Here's what Kakusei Loki has to say...

"All right. Lets do this!"

_**Music: "Young Man Despair/Lord High Executioner" from "The Pirates of Penzance"**_

Odin: Young gods, despair,  
Likewise go to,  
Cease this affair  
You can not do.  
It will not be:  
I'm pleased to sing,  
Asgard will sound with my songs that ring!

This very hour  
I do declare  
Asgard will sing,  
forever more,  
With beat of drum  
And a rum-tum-tum,  
'Til your ears bleed and you're overcome!

And the brass will crash,  
And the trumpets bray,  
And they'll cut a dash  
As they make their way.  
The Gods will return, to face the foe  
Of the song of the great musical!

Loki & Co: And the brass will crash,  
And the trumpets bray,  
And our spells will clash  
As we make our way.  
All: The Gods will return to face the foe  
Of the song of the great musical!

Odin: It's a hopeless case,  
As you may see,  
And in your place  
Away I'd flee;  
But don't blame me —  
I'm glad you see:  
To be singing for eternity.

I'm sure they'll come  
Extremely soon,  
In point of fact  
This afternoon.  
This game of mine  
Oh so sublime  
Will soon reach its peak of glory!

Chorus: And the brass will crash,  
And the trumpets bray,  
And their swords will clash  
As they make their way.  
The Gods will return, to face the foe,  
Of the song of the great musical!

Loki & Co: And the brass will crash,  
And the trumpets bray,  
And our spells will clash  
As we make our way.

All: The Gods will return, to face the foe,  
Of the song of the great musical!

_**Music: "Elephant Love Medley" from Roulin Mouge**_

_Freyr visits Mayura who is laid up in bed at home. He brings flowers. Mayura doesn't speak. She just looks at him. Daring him to say anything..._

_A smarter man would have got the picture._

_Freyr is not such a man._

Freyr: You left abruptly yesterday, and I regret I was not there to protect you from whatever... did this to you..

_Maura's face twitches._

But worry not my pet! I know what you need...

Freyr: Love is a many, splendid thing...  
Love.. lifts us up where we belong..  
All you need is love!

Mayura: Grrr... don't start that again...

Freyr: All you need is love...

Mayura: You really should learn when to quit...

Freyr: All you need is love...

Mayura: Or you're going to REALLY get hit!

Freyr: All you need is love...

Mayura: I'M NOT THAT INSANE!

Freyr: I was made for loving you baby!  
You were made for loving me!

Mayura: The only shot you had of loving me "baby"!  
Was before you banged me into every tree!

Freyr: Just one night.. just one night?

Mayura: BAKA! HENTAI! Not without a fight!

Freyr: In the name of love, one night in the name of love!

Mayura: Has that line EVER worked? I won't give in to you...

Freyr: Don't... leave me this way  
I can't survive.. (Mayura: Good!)  
Without your sweet love...  
Oh baby... don't leave me this way.

Mayura: You'd think that you would have given up on these silly love songs...

Freyr: Oh my darling.. I've SOO many more.. to go..

Mayura: LISTEN. Just give up on these silly love songs!

Freyr: But what's wrong with them? I'd like to know.. cause here I go...  
AGAIN!!

Love lifts us up where we belong!  
On Gullinbrusti we could fly to some mountain high!

Mayura: Don't you get it yet you little fool!  
I'm lying here in pain because you aint got a brain...

Freyr: WE SHOULD BE LOVERS! Sorry... what did you say?

Mayura: You! You... only in your dreams. (Freyr: Hee. Yes, often.)

Mayura: If I... I'd have to drink all the time!

Freyr: WE SHOULD BE LOVERS!

Mayura: ... where did I put my bat...

Freyr: WE SHOULD BE LOVERS!  
and that's a fact!

Mayura: Nothing you say... would get us together!

Freyr: But we could still.. you know... just for one day...

_Maura's face twitches._

Freyr: we could be lovers for ever and ever!

_Maura's fist twitches._

Freyr: we could be lovers for ever and ever!  
we could be lovers!

Just because..  
IIIIIIIEI will always love you!

_Mayura's anguish cracks a hole in the dimensions. She grabs a HUGE ROCKET LAUNCHER and FIRES!_

Freyr: GOOODDBBBBIIIIIIIEI!

_Slowmo of Freyr getting hit in the stomach by the rocket. He is carried straight through the window as he sings..._

Can't help loving you...

Mayura: How wonderful life is,  
You're gone from this...world!

_She returns peacefully to sleep. The music swells as we cut away and show the night sky. A small shooting star streaks past...blinks.. and is no more._

_**Music: "Whistling Gypsy" by The Seekers**_

The smirking tantei came into town  
up to the local temple  
he whistled and he sang bout a mystery  
and he won the heart of a la-a-dy

Aa di do aa di do da day  
Aa di do aa di day  
He whistled and he sang bout a mystery  
And he won the heart of a la-a-dy

She ignored her father's wise advise  
she ran from her overfond classmate  
she left her homework and her boring days  
to follow the little detective

aa di do aa di do da day  
aa di do aa di day  
he whistled and he sang bout a mys-te-ry  
and he won the heart of a la-a-dy

"he is no menace my father", she said  
"but a friend for my wondering gazes  
with him I'll stay till my dying day"  
and she followed the young detective

aa di do aa di do da day  
aa di do aa di day  
he whistled and he sang bout a mys-te-ry  
and he won the heart of a la-a-dy

_**Music: "The Farmer & the Cowman" from Oklahoma!**_

Oh, the trickster and the watcher can't be friends  
No the trickster and the watcher can't be freinds  
Loki stole the watcher's eye  
Now Heimdall wants to see him fry  
And that's the reason why they can't be friends

Asgard folks should stick together  
Asgard folks should all be pals  
Heimdall works with Loki's daugther  
Loki tries to run from Hel

_**Music: "Flinstones Theme" from The Flintstones**_

BBWEEBWEEBWEEBWEEBWEE!!

Norse Gods!  
Meet the Norse Gods!  
They're a modern dysfunctional family

From the - land of Asgard  
They're a page right out of mythol-ogy...

Let's look - at a detective agency down the street  
Loki! With Fenrir playing at his feet...

When you're - with the Norse Gods!  
You'll have a Bwee Bwee Bwee Wee time...  
A Bwee Bwee Wee time...  
You'll have a gay old time!

_**Music: "When You're a Jet" from West Side Story**_

When you're a god, you're a god all the way  
From the day fates are kind  
to the grand finale  
when you're a god let them do what they can  
you've got powers so grand  
you can smite mortal man

but don't be too bad,  
Odin's always watching!  
Your never unwatched,  
Your behaviour's expected,  
Your fate's projected!

Your life is a show  
with a capital S  
which you'll never forget  
til the ragnarok comes

when you're a god  
you stay  
a god!

When you're a god  
you're the top dog in town  
you're the ge-ni-us kid  
or the hard-working clown  
when you're a god  
you've got life on a plate  
little boy you're a man  
little man you're a snake

The gods are all here,  
Our spells are all now clickin  
Odin'll stay clear  
Cause no matter what he's thinkin  
We'll beat his scheming!

Here come the gods  
like a wolf out of Hel  
Odin gets in our way  
Odin wont feel so well  
Here come the gods  
Little spell go bye-bye  
better go underground  
better run, better hide

we're drawing the line  
So you'd better be believing  
We're hanging a sign  
Saying "Singing is forbidden"  
And we ain't kidding!

Here come the gods  
Yeah! And we're gonna beat  
Every last stupid song  
on this whole stupid show  
On the whole, stupid, ever, loving, show!

_**Music: "Bobby's Girl"**_

GIRLS: I wanna be Loki's girl  
I wanna be Loki's girl  
That's the most important thing to me  
And if I was Loki's girl  
If I was Loki's girl  
What a faithful thankful girl I'd be

MAYURA: When classmates ask of me  
What would you like to be  
Now that you're not a kid any more  
I know just what to say  
I answer right away  
There's just one thing I'm wishing for

GIRLS: I wanna be Loki's girl  
I wanna be Loki's girl  
MAYURA: And to solve fushigi mysteries!  
GIRLS: And if I was Loki's girl  
If I was Loki's girl  
MAYURA: What a famous tantei-san I'd be

REIYA: Each night I sit and wait  
For him to grace my gate  
But he is always out on a case  
Still in my heart I pray  
There soon will come a day  
_FLASH  
_FREYA: When I will have him all to myself (ohohoho!)

GIRLS: I wanna be Loki's girl  
I wanna be Loki's girl  
That's the most important thing to me  
And if I was Loki's girl  
If I was Loki's girl  
What a faithful thankful girl I'd be  
What a faithful thankful girl I'd be!

_**Music: "Poor Wandering Ones" from The Pirates of Penzance**_

ODIN: Poor wand'ring ones!  
Though thou hast surely strayed,  
To try for grace,  
Thy steps retrace,  
Poor wand'ring ones!

Poor wand'ring ones!Tho seeking answers mine  
Why help thee find  
True peace of mind-  
For, song, I find, is fine!

NORSE GODS: This song, no longer cheers;  
Song moves these hearts to tears!

ODIN: I won't, fair days will shine;  
Why singing is so fine!

NORSE GODS: This song, no longer cheers;  
Song moves these hearts to tears!

ODIN: I won't, fair days will shine;  
For singing is so fine!  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
Poor wand'ring ones!  
Though thou hast surely strayed,  
To try for grace,  
Thy steps retrace,

ODIN / NORSE GODS  
Poor wand'ring ones! / Poor wand'ring ones!  
Ah, ah! Ah, ah, ah! / Poor wandr'ing ones!  
Ah, ah! Ah, ah, ah!  
Fair days will shine, /This song,  
For song, / Brings tears,  
is fine! / End this sorrow  
For song! / of song!  
Is / pray do!  
Fine / pray do!

NORSE GODS / ODIN  
This song, no longer cheers;  
Song moves these hearts to tears!  
End this sorrow, / Ah, ah!  
Rid this sad world of song, / Ah!  
pray do! / I won't!

_**Music: "Reflection" from Disney's Mulan**_

FREYA: Look at me, I can never stay close to Loki's side  
Not while I am in her...  
Can it be, I may never win his heart!  
Now I see, somehow I must try hard to be myself,  
Reiya must depart...

Who is that girl I see..  
Staring straight back at me?  
Why is my reflection someone I don't know!

In this girls face I hide...  
If he just sees the "me" inside...  
When will my reflection show who I am inside?

When will my reflection show...  
Who I am inside...

_**Music: Smurfs Theme**_

Norns: Lalalalalala  
Sing a happy song!  
Lalalalalala  
We garden all day long!  
_WHISTLE (TO TUNE)_

Urd: Look at the past with ME!  
Norns: _WHISTLING TO TUNE_  
Skuld: The future's for ME to see!  
Norns: So next time you need a clue  
Just give us a ring!

Verdandi: Well I can't say what you don't know...  
But forget THAT - LET'S BEGIN!

MYSTERIOUS VOICE (ODIN UP IN ASGARD)

MV: OOOHHH I HATE NORNS..  
I'll GET YOU! I'LL GET ALL OF YOU!  
IF IT'S THE LAST THING I EVER DO!  
HEHEHEEHEHAHAHAHA...

Norns: Lalalalalala  
You'll soon know the truth!  
_TRUMPET (TO TUNE)  
_WE'LL STOP THIS SINGING SOOON!

_**Music (er. Kinda): "Team Rocket Theme (English)" from Pokemon**_

Freyr: Prepare for trouble!  
Freya: And make it double!  
Freyr: To protect my sister from molestation!  
Freya: To unite Loki and my fascination!  
Freyr: To denounce the evils of Loki's love!  
Freya: To extend my love to the stars above!  
Freya: Freya!  
Freyr: Freyr!  
Together: Team Vanir blast off at the speed of light!  
Surrender now or prepare to fight!  
Gullibrusti: Buhi bwee bwee! (Buhi! That's right!)


End file.
